The best way to make a girl happy? Tell her she's like a malamute puppy, fat and cute, but more cute than fat. Another good way to make a girl happy is to take the wrong bus to the wrong bus stop and wait for the right bus for over an hour.

Hehe. (:

I finally got my headphones today. I am so freaking happy! It's blackkkkkk.

Okay I have nothing interesting to write about. Probably about the mumbai bombings or the monotonous droning of my ambitions. But I'm too weary for that now. I am desperate for a body massage.

Toodles.

Labels: boys, happy talk, loveee, smitten

Being the usual insecure, really fat, really ugly (now i must emphasise that if I wasn't fat, I wouldnt be ugly, because I was hot when I was thin a couple of years ago) self, my seeming uncontrollable jealousy makes me unproductive. Unproductive meaning moping about, browsing through many pictures of deceased she-male ex-es, then feel shitty about self that you completely forget about the homework and stupid meaningless report you have to do that night. It's worse when the object of affection seems caught up by pictures of the object of my envy. Because I feel more and more desolate and uncherished, until I'm left to rot in the cabbage patch and turn into food for the crows.

Maybe I'm asking for too much. Maybe I'm not that all lovable.
But when you poke on my fats I feel all happy again. I need a fat poker. Poke me poke me poke me!

Today I watched Body Of Lies with kelvin. It was beyond scary that I used my scarf to cover my face for most of the scenes. I think it breeds islamophobia, somehow. Watching that wasnt so comfortable with imbeciles sitting in front repeating phrases 'insyallah' as a joke then laughing at it. Seriously, that's not funny you moron. It also shows how ignorant america is towards human lives, using innocent people as bait. Shows how cruel jihadists are, and all the politics. But as kelvin said, the movie was shining the spotlight on america about how they cannot be trusted, how they use people for their own advantage and all that. It wasn't a complete waste, but I do not like the movie.

Fyp is such an idiot.

Labels: movie, sad, stupid obsessions

❤❤❤

today i love you, alot.

Labels: loveee

My roooooooom! Finally, finally.


















I made my own 'chandelier'.


In front of my bed


















Pardon the ugly dress, I just woke up from bed. lol.

I still want to change things like my curtain, maybe sew a red one, and put twinkly lights and a big picture behind my bed.

x-posted to ourbedrooms. Dont know if they moderated it yet.

Labels: happy talk, room

i miss you, i miss you, i miss you psp. My psp is in kelvin loh's house. Boys tsk tsk. They ignore you all night when they're playing game. It's so unfair because I really really want to finish playing starwars force unleashed over the weekend.

My back feels like breaking because I spent the whole day cleaning my room, and it was so filthy, that I found 2 dead lizards under my bed! I took out the dressing table and my dad drilled a mirror into the wall. I no longer have a coffee table, but i still have my fake sofa! My room is probably an ikea showroom, because everything is from ikea except the bed and the cupboard. Can't wait for tomorrow because it's the day I'll finally reveal my room to the whole wide world.

I miss going out. I miss having a proper date with kelkel.

Labels: bored, room

It's so psychotic. My friends ask me if it's official and stuff and I'd go like huh? There's supposed to be like an official ceremony to declare to the world how madly you are in love with each other? It's very tv like, what we have. So, so, drama, so complicated. Why worry about being on shaky grounds eh? Better sit back and watch everyone get boyfriends while we have this weird psychotic 'thing', shoving our tongues in each other's throats, have random dates and pangseh plans. I could possibly be the only one in love. Somedays I abhor you, but other days I find that you're perfect, and my eyes find nothing but you- that's when I'm madly in love with you.

Labels: boys, loveee, smitten

Wheel.
Coast.
III
The Last Performance

Photography I've done recently. Haha my skills suck donkey ass. ):


Relationships can be tough, I know, but can't you at least take 10 minutes of your bloody time for me? I'm not caught up with loh. I talk to loh, I talk to other people too. My life is not just loh you know. Because in the end I'll come crying to my girlfriends. It makes my life less sad, having people around, remembering them, and not taking them for granted. My sister shares the same sentiment. I guess both of us have had friends who ditched us after finding boys. Of course I feel hurt, and less interested when they expect us to come back whenever they want. So you know, whatever. It's not my lost exactly. I'm so used to getting ditched. I'll find something new. I always do.

I don't like Starbucks anymore. I get weird drugged drinks all the time. I don't even like coffee. Bubble tea is my new thing now lol.


Haha dad got tickets to the Singapore Flyer. Stop being so prissy and scornful, I think it's amazing being up there when it reaches maximum altitude. I had fun actually. Bet it would be prettier at dusk.








-

And then after that to my all time favourite amirah's grill at bussorah street. Try the barbeque chicken chop, the sauce is heaven. I got the chicken kebabs this time. The food is on the pricey side, 17 bucks for a really really small portion and two slices of potato. I'm so glad my daddy is rich. Next time Kelvin complains there are no good halal food around and attempts to lure me into a bak kut teh shop, I shall bring him here and empty the gold in his pockets, ho ho ho.



My kebab. A bit of a disappointment, because it tastes like satay, and the taste is still lingering in my mouth even after I've had dinner. I would really really recommend the barbeque chicken chop or steak.


Ambience and dining experience is great, with the exception of movers moving the furniture excessively upstairs, causing wood chips to fall onto the table and into my food, after which I closed my eyes and pretended it was pepper bits instead of bits of wood.


I'm going christmas shopping tomorrow with my sick guy. *rubs sick guy's tummy*
(:

Labels: food, happy talk

Moons and Junes and Ferris wheels
The dizzy dancing way that you feel
As ev'ry fairy tale comes real
I've looked at love that way

But now it's just another show
You leave 'em laughing when you go
And if you care, don't let them know
Don't give yourself away

I've looked at love from both sides now
From give and take, and still somehow
It's love's illusions that I recall
I really don't know love at all

Tears and fears and feeling proud
To say "I love you" right out loud
Dreams and schemes and circus crowds
I've looked at life that way


Both sides now, Joni Mitchell.


There's someone who wants to talk to me tonight. Despite how lonely I feel, I do not feel like responding. Because I feel so despondent. The more I try to run away from the truth, the more it wants to be seen, how it dances right in front of my eyes. We're world's apart. I could never ever be a part of his world because I'm different.

I push good things away. I make people not want to live with me. I hold them then I throw them in the sea. I don't deserve you.


-

Pity if this wasn't posted.

Labels: depressing, nothing makes sense anymore, sad

Super super bored. I did another one which was super awesome but it's a huge file. Sigh

I met up with syaza today! Go out with me when you have money! Haha it was fun but short tooooooo. ): No super high maintenance, catching up at banquet was good enough. I am so broke for the rest of the month.


kelvin loh is sick today.
get well soon baby, i love you baby vin. xoxo.
(pukes out blood and dies laughing. HAHA)

Labels: happy talk

Today was fun much. My sister, kelvin and I went to seoul garden. He was so fascinated and said it was like watching a tv show seeing my sister and I bickering at each other. Chicken is gooooooood.


Teaching kelvin how to knit with twine and pens. LOL.



Cheeeeese little boy.




My sister's boyfriend.


hahahaha.

Labels: food, friends, happy talk

I have a new study table omggggg! No more curling up on the floor or lying on the bed doing homework! No more backaches! I'm throwing my dressing table away and putting a huge mirror instead and then my room would be completed!

School tomorrow and i miss you!

Labels: happy talk, room

This fucking hurts.

Labels: pain

My brain is lacking insightful ponderings. It is now filled with slime and cobwebs. I miss doing absolutely nothing, like spend a Saturday morning reading a book, walking around spotlight and watching movies on my own. I used to be so independent. I used not to care whether people thought I was a lonely freak or a moron who likes to do things on her own. Now, everything has changed. When something so amazing happened to my life, the monotonous routine of spending quality time with me stopped. I stopped going to the library by myself, I stopped drawing and writing, the world that I knew, was at a stand still. The taste of something sweet makes me want more. It is how clinginess is developed. You spend so much time with someone that you want more.

Me? I am emotionally untrimmed. The whole bag of emotions residing inside of me is like an abandoned garden; imagine weeds, overgrown grass, dead flowers and wild growth. It needs to be gardened because my emotions are ravaging. I feel sorry for Kelvin who has to manage me. I am high maintenance. I will cry when someone does not want to talk to me. It makes me look like an ugly garden, infested with snakes and monsters, just like how the teaspoon-sized brain that I have is filled with unwanted thoughts. I am emotionally needy. It makes me sick to the stomach and I completely understand when you tell me I am sickening. It gets to a point where I become very selfish and think that the world revolves around me. I think that your activities revolve around my life, and your social life needs to be stopped because I want to be the only one you talk to. It is so fucking disgusting that writing this down makes me feel horrible about myself. In fact, I think that right now I should throw myself into a lion's den and let my body be devoured.

I have a lot to learn and these baby steps that I am taking are not enough to make you stand me. I am insecure and I constantly need somebody to tell me that I am definitely better than the rest of them. Flawed in everyway, deep inside I always feel shitty for being the person that I am, that I am probably your concrete wall from the rest of the world, your friends, your dreams. I am trying hard to change- to break the bones of my hand that is wrapped around your neck. It was not my intent to put you on a leash, to put you on a puppet show to please me all the time. It was not my intent to act like a sick person who constantly needs undying attention.

I need to snap out of this. My emotions are taking over my life and my brain. I cannot think like a logical person. I do things based purely on my emotions, with no regard for the needs of others. I need to be fixed.

I had a very good day today. Too bad, they put mutton in the noodles because I have sworn off beef and other animals alike. So every time I accidentally took a bite into a mutton chunk, I’ll scream ‘oops I ate the little goat!’

I wish people would talk to me at night because I am really lonely at home because my sisters don’t want to talk to me. I miss movie nights. =(

Labels: boys, listless, loveee, pondering

I want to go to prom! Sheesh, I've never actually been to a real one, like a prom not filled with just girls in their skimpy clothing. Plus the last one I went to I was wearing a not-so-fabulous outfit, with no make-up on, and left at 8. I didn't even sit with my class. So I beg you god, oh the divine lord, i pray to thee, please please let there be a prom at the end of poly because I'll be damned if there wasn't and I would label this 3 freaking years as the worst and boring years of my life, and I had already asked the prettiest boy in school to go with me. ):
He's so amazing and I want to dance with him in high heels, wearing the most cleavage revealing hot dress ever with blonde minah hair.

So in the meantime I'm just going to lose weight, train with loh for his ns, and shamelessly drool at the next killer prom dress I find.

Don't nag me! I have bloody lovely hair goddamnit.

Labels: bitching, prom, shallow shits

forgive the spastic face, I took many shots that turned out horrible, but i freaking love my new hair




i miss my friends.

Labels: vanity

I'm bloody tired but I'm keeping myself awake so that I could catch Grey's Anatomy at midnight. I am so enjoying eating out but the hole in the pocket kind of burns. Lucky kelkel paid for dinner today. And we stayed at starbucks till ten finishing up pme report! It was so bloody cold.






I'm happy because I'm content. Yay. *loves*

Labels: loveee

You make me happy.





Yesterday while at the hairdresser's kelkel asked me, 'If I go Japan, I'll be away for 7 days. Can tahan or not?'

Coop myself up in my room reading harry potter all over again, then okay.

Labels: smitten