My viewership has decreased tremendously. Perhaps it's the ghastly blog skin or my reluctance to update regularly. Since I've been boy-crazy lately, what's new.
Sigh what a boring life I lead.

I would like to say THANK GOD EXAMS ARE OVER but I'm really scratching out my skin staying at home all week. It has been really boring. I have absolutely nothing to do. I'm going insane!

Sigh I'm kinda bumming around waiting for cutie boy to get tired of playing dota. Lol it's every right of an insane controlling creepy gf to start chewing on the computer wires and smash my head into his computer.

This new dota obssession thing would mean that I'll be left unentertained unless some big crisis comes up, like I'm getting fat or something. I bet if I was taken hostage at gun point he'll go 'I'm sorry dear, let me play dota for one more hour.'

Boys...let them play, they say. Boys will be boys yadayadaydada. Can't they be manly like cut wood or something? After they're done with dota, they go straight to porn. WHATTHEFUCK! Hey that's not fair! What kind of sex can you get from the computer screen?!!!

See, this is where I Bale Out. FFFFFFFFKNNCB!!!

If there was anything I could destroy it would the gaming and porn industry. And maybe just men, in general. Just thinking about men makes my blood boil. I am so aggravated.

You know, I care and I always put other's needs before mine and I've been really nice and stuff, I dont say what's on my mind because I dont want to piss you off, and most of the time I keep my bloody mouth shut to make people happy. And when THIS happens and suddenly you start taking me for granted it makes me want to kill myself just to spite you. If only I was interested enough to play dota so that I could get hooked onto it for months and not care about anyone else so that when you come to me begging for attention i'll be able to say 'I'm sorry dear, I'm playing and I'll get back to you when I get sick and tired of this.'

Laugh all you want, boys.

Labels: bitching, boys, stupid obsessions

I want to go to prom! Sheesh, I've never actually been to a real one, like a prom not filled with just girls in their skimpy clothing. Plus the last one I went to I was wearing a not-so-fabulous outfit, with no make-up on, and left at 8. I didn't even sit with my class. So I beg you god, oh the divine lord, i pray to thee, please please let there be a prom at the end of poly because I'll be damned if there wasn't and I would label this 3 freaking years as the worst and boring years of my life, and I had already asked the prettiest boy in school to go with me. ):
He's so amazing and I want to dance with him in high heels, wearing the most cleavage revealing hot dress ever with blonde minah hair.

So in the meantime I'm just going to lose weight, train with loh for his ns, and shamelessly drool at the next killer prom dress I find.

Don't nag me! I have bloody lovely hair goddamnit.

Labels: bitching, prom, shallow shits

Ew, I don't mean to be rude or racist towards my own people, but, stupid mats annoy the hell out of me. Well, maybe not just mats, but immature, uncivilised, unsophisticated melayu guys in general. Why bother me? I have rights as a citizen, so just screw off, I can do whatever I like, so shut your trap. Ugh, burn in hell.

Then I started to browse through my really sleepy love life. I've never had relations with any melayu (oh god, melayu guys are so scary okay,) with the exception of my childhood sweetheart who I've known since primary two, and even so, he was half chinese (very cute boy, shorter than me. He had mr goh's surname lolololol!) And then I got involved and naively fell for an ex-victorian indian guy, and then a very very handsome chinese boy haha. I've told Nadya countless of times that I'm terrified of boys of my own race, unless they can speak english and are able to behave maturely and they're from some smart school like RI or something.

(Actually for this PSC camp there was this RI malay guy who went to AJ then to SP and he talked to me a lot a lot but I was too dumb to realise he was hitting on me. wth. brilliant guy though, I love our short intellectual conversations. actually while i was asleep he crept up to me and stared down to say good morning, which left me almost dead from the shock. haha wth why am i talking about this.)

Oops pardon the disgression. But why why why do I find myself like a misfit among the malay community? And why am I afraid of my own people?! I need some malay therapy. My bahasa melayu is terrible, honestly. And if I'm sitting in a public transport and I hear people conversing in bahasa, I assume they're like so gangsta hahaha. And I have no idea how to ask for forgiveness this hari raya. I can't convey myself in bahasa! I'd be like, 'Mama, maafkan ah-na. bye bye selamat hari rayer.' Then I'd proceed to opening the hong bao and grinning to myself.

Why are people from my community so notorious. Sometimes I just want to hide my face and wish I could change colour when I hear them blaring freaking techno throughout the whole bus. I'd like to end this post with what I've heard a group of melayu boys from my school say, 'eh go hisap your bird-bird!'

ROFL.

Labels: annoying, bitching

I hate not being in control. When I'm just a member, I don't care about the group. I don't care about getting my work done. Eff why pee is a fucking chore. So here's the catch: nanti pukul 10 nak kene meet si dier tu, and I'm awake at 5 tapi belom start on anything pon. Pfft. And kalau kau tu leader, you kena cope dengan sub-standard shit. Jangan complain asshole. Aku dah susah-susah (chey) buat kerja kau macam babi. kau nak complain eh? Nahbeh. Dah lah for the first few(and lots of months) kiter start project tu, kau punye 'section' sebok buat kerja yang tak munahsabah, like ridiculous ideas. Pfft. Who slogged? Aku jugak. Siaper kene pergi enteeyou jauh jauh kat freaking boonlay untuk tido dalam 3 jam lecture? aku jugak. boleh tak aku harap kau mati kena langgar lori?

go fuck yourself, sial. aku tak percaya nanti aku kena tengok muker kau yang burok tu.

I took so long to write in malay. Yay me.

Labels: bitching

I'm lucky I'm in love with my bestfriend.
I'm lucky to have been where I have been.

I had the most random conversation with cheesing over the phone last night.
RAF: Why is my butt so dry?
CS: I don't know.
RAF: Is your butt always dry?
CS: yeah?
RAF: It's so dry. It feels like cloth. Does your butt feel like cloth?
CS: I don't know.
RAF: GO TOUCH IT! Touch your butt!
CS: no
RAF: Touch your buttt!!
CS: No its not dry.
RAF: oh my god my butt is peeling!!!!

Well not suprising, someone has such a beautiful baby butt.

Anyway, fasting month is here. I'm not supposed to go out at night actually. My mum is very busy with her uni (Yes, my mum is doing a degree,) so there's no one to prepare the things for my dad and little sister. And I'm supposed to do religious things, like go for terawih and stuff. Sigh. I do value religious activities. I do feel like putting religion before fyp, or other commitments. Because you know, worldly stuff isn't everything. I know people say things like they're so busy but they can make it for this and that. Unfortunately, I'm not like that. I have fucking responsibilies and I'm this close to failing fyp. I'm not kidding. We got a freaking warning and its very likely that we're going to fail. And I'm not going to get my sorry ass back in SP for another year just because I don't know how to prioritise. Let's face it, my ass is on the line. I'm constructing a lawnmower for godsakes. One that runs on a water hydraulic system. Think it's a piece of cake? hell no. I'm telling you mechanical engineering is the shit. I don't get why you're bickering about some stupid paperwork project.

So basically throughout the next week I'll be so bollocking busy with fyp. Frankly, I just don't care about anything else right now. You know how it would feel like if I told my parents I screwed up my diploma just because I failed fyp? Oh god, that would be so fucking smart. I think he was probably right. Everyone should just quit their freaking cca so we can be more productive. bleargh.

Okay rant over. I just don't give a damn about anything anymore. I need a break so I know what it's like to be human again. I have too many mental and personality issues that need to be sorted out. Life is bollocks. GRAH.

Labels: annoying, bitching, i'm sorry i can't be fucked, school

I WENT TO THE ZOOOOOOOOO TODAY!

Chee sing so moooooooody. hahahahha. oh well oh so tired I eat so much these past few days i gained like lots and lots of kgs. oh there goes my career as a strip dancer.



-

On other note, I FUCKING DESPISE FYP. OH can we uh, drop the whole fucking module itself? AHHHH like what the fuck, how am I supposed to know what to do? It's beyond our knowledge, its uni and beyondddd level, i mean fluid mechanics, what the fuck is that? Oh god the profs are a pain in the ass. FUCKING pain in the ass. FYP is a fucking pain in the asssssssssssssssssss! Like I don;t have a lot of shit forced up in my ass already. AHHHHH. I need to fucking study for exams! Not do fucking calculations. What fucking calculations? AHHHH fuckfuckfuckfuckfuckkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk. I HATE FYP I HATE FYP I HATE FYP I HATE FYP I HATE FYP I HATE FYP I HATE FYP I HATE FYP I HATE FYP I HATE FYP I HATE FYP I HATE FYP I HATE FYP I HATE FYP I HATE FYP I HATE FYP I HATE FYP I HATE FYP I HATE FYP!!!!!!! BURN IN HELL FYP! Oh whats so great is that I have no directions, I don't know what to contribute, my maths fucking suck christian bale's ass, SO WHAT THE FUCK? UGH. UGH FUCK FUCK FUCK. FYP go fuck yourself. I don't care if I get a fucking D!

Labels: bitching, happy talk

I have a strong desire to shave off my hair now. AHHHH *screams* Okay I'm so tired and I have to deal with my emotional shit I really have no time for project work!
OH MY GOD JUST, FUCK OFF SERIOUSLY I'M SO SICK AND TIRED OF THE GOSSIP AND THE BAD MOUTHING. oh dear god I don't want to go to school anymore except to see chee sing's lee hom's nose. I was so fucking pissed off today because a mob of stupid boys were making some rude comments. =( Fuck sial they all. STUPID MEAN BOYS!

OKAY FUCKING BITCH HAVING HER PMS AND CRAMPS SO FUCK OFF THANKS!

Someone is planting their fists against my uterus wall and it hurts.

Labels: bitching, pms

i feel like a two faced fucking bitch.

Labels: bitching

I have to say this real bad. I hate looking at pictures of hot people. Just because it makes me feel disgusted about myself and feel more insecure about my 'imperfections'. Yeah, what happened to the 'i'm grateful' post? Sorry, just can't last all the time, okay? So just the fuck leave me alone and let me stay in this shitty place so I could feel bad about myself.

Sure, do you think I don't want to do anything about it? Lose weight, put on make up, be fucking fake so everyone would LOVE me. I'm so fucking sick of being undesirable and OBESE and fucking grotesque. So what I say, "I'm going to go to the gym everyday and I'll start being skinny and I'll be hot". FUCK FUCK FUCK! Everyone laughs. Hot people are people who are born with it.

How the fuck do you think it makes me feel spending 2 years around guys who whistle and swoon over hot girls. They talk to you, this and that, they get so fucking excited over OTHER PEOPLE, sure you like the company, you like the extra business classes spent talking about some hot chick. You like it, it makes you important. But then they're just your friends. Hell in the 2 years, NO ONE WOULD EVER GIVE A SHIT ASS FUCKING MINUTE TO EVEN LOOK AT YOU YOU PIECE OF UGLY SHIT. You're just this girl people make friends with but never actually LIKE. Like the role of my freaking life has drifted to being the sick understanding friend instead of the leading lady.

I've always fucking wished I was the fucking leading lady for a change. I wish I was hot, I wish people would swoon and fall at my feet. FUCK. I wish I wasn't everyone's ugly friend who didnt deserve a shit bit of attention. I FUCKING HATE THIS I FUCKING HATE THIS I FUCKING HATE THIS. THIS WORLD IS SHALLOW, personality can't survive. We're all people consumed in looks and fucking boobs.

Please wait while I cut off my face.

Labels: bitching, shallow shits

It's official. I am an artist. BECAUSE I JUST SPENT MY SAVINGS ON AN EASEL!!!!!
I'm sort of lazy to type about it, so just read Christine's post HERE.
It's so bloody cool. I actually have a made in italy easel. It's not wood though. Like super stable metal. I got it on discount at a whooping 69 bucks. that's actually cheap.

Here's a picture of it!




Tehehehehehehe. Ignore the painting on it. It's work in progress.

I think it's appalling how some people think so highly of themselves that the world rots with their filth. It's disgusting. I actually had the chance to trample over one and stomp all over their dignity and ego today! TODAY RAFHANA IS BITCHY. Yes, I like myself this way.

By the way, I don't want to be sad anymore. I will fight my way to happiness. I know deep inside I have to believe that I deserve to be happy.

I am falling back in love with you.
Ouch.
I think it feels good.

Labels: art, bitching, dirt, loveee

It is appalling to see shallow people roaming about. You think with your Fat Joe hanging around and your artificially coloured hair makes you oh so great. Tell you what, you are one fuckhead. I have the right to read a fucking book anywhere I like. And just because I wear the tudung and have tanned skin, it doesn't mean that I am so melayu. You disgust me, screaming and attracting attention like that. I am not sorry that you do not interest or humour me. Why don't you pick on some minah who has a bag slung in between her breasts and has artificially coloured hair just like you. Not me. You have no right to pick on me because I'm more intellectually capable.

Shithead.

My parents taught me right. My mother taught me how to carry myself. And I am more intellectually and emotionally superior. I am filled with arrogance, so there is no fucking way I'd even look at you. I'd rather marry a book.


(I know I owe you guys a picture post!)

Labels: annoying, bitching