I'm watching Gossip Girl *gasps!* Okay I'm really bored and tired that I resulted to poison my eyes with a ridiculously shallow stupid show. Oh god how mind boggling. Pfft.

Me? I'm sad, I'm happy. When I'm happy I'll pester cheesing. When I'm sad, I'll torment cheesing. I don't like to treat him like a little boy. But he's always six in my eyes and I'll keep telling him to stop picking at the ugly scar on his lip until he stops!

lol I'm so smitten. remind me not to grope anyone's ass in mechanics lecture ever again.

Labels: smitten

fights are getting hostile. I need to learn how not to be sarcastic and be supportive instead. Because I am becoming so uncaring that I spite people with my malicious tongue. hold back, ana. gotta stay at home for a while to read a book all about boys. i have never been the first one to apologise. why?

I fucking hate my pms-y class tutor. omg a pmsing male is scarier and more hateful than a female one. I have to harm my eyes seeing him 4 times a week! bloody fucking hell. I cannot believe I have to spend the rest of my semester following his make believe time table, have him screaming at us as though we're primary school kids, and seeing him jabbing his fat fingers into the boney shoulders of my favourite person across the room. ugh die! die!

I need to start studying for SATs.

Labels: bored, boys, school, stupid teachers

I edited this image and I love it profusely.

I'm really bored sigh.

Labels: bored

Phew, my openhouse has ended and I'm feeling really sticky and my eyes are really dry. Lots of people came, but there's tons of food left! I invited people but only those closest to me came. Thank you guys! I love you all lah. Openhouse was from 12-7pm. Kelvin and gary came at 2 and I had so much fun teaching them congkak, stuffing them with lots of food, talking, relaxing on the massage chair and adoring my lovely room! The rest of my Sp friends came at 4 something and we messed up our bedroom while camwhoring. I had a good time entertaining people dearest to me so I was grateful about the turnout. My little sister was such a show off, she actually danced in front of my friends. Lol. Her new favourite person is Mahera and she said she was malu to sit beside Nadya because Nadya is pretty. HAHA. Kelvin and gary left at 5 plus and it was really cool they stayed for a long time. And everyone else just left. Now my noisy cousins have possession of the house and my mum is desperately trying to give all the food away!

A lot of people said my room was really pretty... haha even my sister's friends sat in my room for a while. It was a bit embarassing when people saw the numerous picture of *toot* that I had framed in my room. Heehee.

(click and save!)






















After all this I realised I forgot to take a picture of the handsomest guy in the house.

Labels: friends, happy talk, hari raya, loveee

Attention to friends,
I dont have everyone's phone number so don't get upset because I didnt send you an invite, but but but...
I am having a hari raya openhouse tomorrow, Sunday 26th December 2008, from 12-7pm!
Please be in your raya clothes or punjabi suits or whatever!
Call me for directions (I live in woodlands/marsiling) !
:)
xoxo



I jogged with this lovely boy today!


HAHAHA.

Labels: attention, loveee

I think I'm getting too obssessed for my own good. DON'T LEAVE ME FOR TWO WEEKS, is all I'm screaming about. I'd have no idea what to do with 2 weeks not seeing or talking to someone. If I did save enough money, I'd have 4 days with siaza at a quiet beach suntanning in our new bikinis, my sister would be in india for OBS and I would be completely alone and lonely, and i bet everyone else would be so busy with fyp and stuff. This is no good. My lifeline is going to deplete, and then, BOOM! My head starts to pop and I'm going to run to the airport and watch the planes fly and be retarded for the rest of my life. Ugh talk about clinginess. So now I think I'm going to watch celebrity apprentice and after that for the rest of my life before menopause, I'm going to soak my brains in economics and politics. Yeah baby, screw the 3.9999999999999 gpa.

Labels: boys, random talk, sad

I am so exhausted from being so moody and wanting to boom boom today so I would like to proclaim shamelessly that,

THANK YOU FOR TEACHING ME HOW TO USE CHOPSTICKS FOR FISHBALLS AND I LOVE YOU TOO!

Labels: blah, loveee

I am supposed to do an assignment, but I'm here now probably frustrated at the state of everything. I am sick and tired of lecturers saying that poly people cannot write, they cannot present, they cannot lead, they are meant to be fucking engineers for the rest of their pathetic lives. I am sick and tired learning about thermo, mechanics, and things that I dont even give a flying fuck about. Why don't they nurture our dreams?

I don't want to be a bloody worker! Don't ask me why I chose this course. What was I supposed to do? I was 16, I thought I was going to a bloody jc, then the world decided to collapse on me... how was I supposed to have a fucking clue what I should have chosen? I've never wanted to be an engineer and looking at my assignment now is so depressing because I'm trying to be someone I'm not.

My heart was never in this field; I wake up everyday dreaming of being someone I was supposed to be. Being confined in this school full of hopeless boys with an emotional capacity of a teaspoon and verbal skills of a primary 1 boy has changed me alot. I no longer write, and I feel so distant from the things I was very passionate about. I feel so detached from the people around me, like all I carried around with me was a sack of emotions, of little stories I made up in my head, my love for arguments and writing. Most of the time I feel like a ballerina trapped in a musical box. I can never connect with the people here, not like it was any different in secondary school, but I feel so alienated from the minds of the typical classmates.

I am very worried that no door will ever open for me or what if no school wants to accept me. I ruined this chance; I need another one, to save me from being those people I've never wanted to be. I don't want to do this anymore.

1 semester to go. Already I'm crying in my bed because I cannot take it any longer. God save me.

:(

PS: I need chocolate and support from everyone. I need someone to tell me I can make it.

Labels: depressing, dreams, nothing makes sense anymore, school

I am feeling very bored so I am going to do the usual narration of my pathetic excuse for a life.

I woke up, with a diarhhea for the first time in my life. I was supposed to meet loh at 9am but then I was defecating in the toilet until 10am, hence we missed macdonalds breakfast and headed to british council. After British Council and Tanglin Mall I got very moody so we walked into Botanical Gardens and used my sony alpha to take pictures (which didn't quite work out.) Oh god, I had to find a toilet to relieve myself again because the diarhhea just didn't feel like it was going to leave me. So I was exhausted, dehydrated and hungry, and loh was pretty much tired from luging around half of the class' thermodynamics notes, school notes which he forgot to take out, a thick advanced grammar book, 2004 and 2005 cedar yearbooks, and a couple of IELTS booklets. The exit seemed to be nowhere. So we cut through some bushes, passed a construction place, and freedom! To our disappointment we still had to walk a long way to the busstop, and yes, again my bowels acted up so we had to go to a mall for me to do my business. Oh gross.

We took 961 to Al Ameen and finally I had some food and water. The tom yum beehoon was made to perfection; it has been forever since I tasted good tom yum and finished everything, except for the vegetables of course. Loh ate the usual fried maggi and he said nice things to me which made me very happy lol. So point is, we've decided to study overseas when we graduate! Well that is if any local uni is not going to accept us or going to SIM seem like a big fat no no.

Anyway I'm going to look for places with great tom yum and halal food. They seem to be so sparse around Singapore and we keep going back to the same old place and keep making that same hole into our pockets. Times when I drool watching loh eating laksa at holland v, I wish I could just forget rules for once and sink my teeth in that delicious looking taupok. Likewise when we're in Ikea and loh waves that pork and beef meatball in front of me while seducing me with, 'forget rules for once and taste this, it's sooooooo goooooood.' LOL. Too bad. I've turned into a food addict. I've got this horrible confession but I love char siew chicken, lol. I have no idea if it tastes the same as pork but oh god it's delicious. If it helps, I have absolutely no money for the rest of this month because I've spent it all on fooooood. I'm loh's mamasan. tsk tsk.

And I have no idea what is the point of this post. I finally got my birthday present from someone. Hehe.

Labels: food, loveee, stupid obsessions

It's very annoying that when we go out people just oogle at us with this disapproving or fascinated face as if we're bizarre creatures going out for a walk. What's with the racial issues man. Hey, we're living in a multi racial country, so deal with it. What's with all the makciks and nyonyas giving me this stupid face when we're taking the train? AHYO what's wrong man. Stupid stupid close minded people.

Different doesn't mean dangerous.

=[

Labels: annoying

With all humility I take off all my pride with this sincerest apology. I am sorry for screaming at you today, humiliating you in front of so many people. I am a monster. You did nothing wrong, but I vented all my anger on you and I feel so ashamed and disgusted at myself. I am so sorry that I ask so much from you when you've given me the best. I don't understand why anyone would still want to spend time with a person like me. I'm not barbie, I'm not gracious. I throw fits all the time and I cry in public. And I realised that it's always been 'me! me! me!' I can't begin to tell you how sorry I am for everything. Apologies are just words, you know? I'm broken and I am trying my best to fix everything. Sometimes I feel so lonely and sad. But it helps to know that I'll always have you. And it helps to know that you'll protect me from all the bad men in this world. Ana is very sorry. You're my fishboy.

Labels: i swear i'm trying to get better, listless

I think I'm meant to live in a crackhouse. I've stopped bothering putting the cushions together, making my bed and making my room livable. My head's like that. Messy. Overdosed with junk and procrastination. Filled with thrill and the horror of finding dead insects here and there. The rickety drawers filled with nice paper bags and entangled wires, stacks of overdued library books, paintings thrown in distraught. Oddly enough, my room smells like shoe cupboard now.

I'm boredddddddd. No one asked me out today. I am sad ): This is the part where I wish fishboy is waiting for me at the traffic light near my house. Everyone needs a break. I need a smelly blanket or a soap smelling boy to hug and smell every single day.

Booooooo.

Labels: blah

you're everything, you're everything.

Labels: loveee

today after my presentation i went out with nettienettie. i don't know what they put inside my drink, but i became very tipsy and started muttering rubbish. now i'm home, drunk and cheery. i'm so going to bed soooooooon. vodka next time nettie. lovelove
xoxo.

Labels: boys, whooops

i think it's better if i wasn't alive.

Labels: i'm sorry i can't be fucked

So i cleaned up my room, got bedspreads and a rug from ikea and now my room is heaven!
It's so fucking pretty, I love it. The dark red walls doesn't seem so depressing anymore. I just need to get twinkly lights and fun posters and then my room is set to make it's grand appearance to the world. I now have the best room in the house, yeah!

My hands were itchy so I took my 19.90 ikea table, used a stencil to paint olive green patterns over it, sandpapered the sides and the top and now voila, i've got a decent vintage coffee table in my room! (for who's still clueless about how my room looks like, I have like a sitting area in my room haw haw.)

Hari raya this year was so untraditional for me. I didn't get a new baju kurung, so I wore this really nice flower print blouse and last last last year's shoes. My mum didn't get new curtains, or made any kuihs this year. It's so slack and yeah, it feels like any normal day. I love it actually. My polar bear has got a place on my bed. I feel so girly, it's really pretty.

In the morning I sent this crude message to cheesing, stealing words from 'atonement' which made me go 'ha ha ha' the whole morning. Now I feel so lazy to go anywhere. I hate travelling to destinations. I wish I could teleport myself.

Labels: blah, happy talk