Ned: You're the only one for me.

Charlotte: I know you feel that way now, but there are things you want... there are things we both want.

Ned: Oh, everyone wants stuff. We wake up, everyday with a list of wishes a mile long and maybe we spend our lives trying to make those wishes come true, but just because we want them doesn't mean we need them to be happy.

Charlotte: What do you need to be happy?

Ned: You.


You know the feeling when you've been away for a while and you come back not knowing what to feel? Delighted because you'll get to smell your bed again or dread because things might have changed? Stupid questions like did anyone miss you or maybe you should have died being run over by a bus in hong kong?

I'm relieved to be home. It was terrible over there, with my family yelling at each other, pissed off and angry almost all the time. I realised how lonely I felt, how tragic it felt like, to be absolutely alone, in my soul where no one could touch me or see how much it hurts to be me.

What I really enjoyed about the trip was sleeping and taking really hot baths. Sleep because I had strange dreams, and some good ones which quickly vanished as soon as it came up. And I woke up feeling horrible because it wasn't real.

People kept on saying, 'take a break, enjoy hong kong.' Did you ever for a second think that I could ever escape from the things that are constantly running in my mind? Every second, it's filled with stuff that sometimes I wish I could rip my brains out and stop being so ponder-y for a change. Sometimes I wish I could wish myself numb so I can't feel all these weird stuff I don't even know about.

And all I can do now is just sigh. I want to wake up tommorow feeling like everything has fallen into place and I'm happy.

Labels: depressing, listless, nothing makes sense anymore, pondering, travelling