OH people people I decided to be boring and use a pre-made layout! Don't worry this is still Rafhana trying to lead a very girly boring life by being common yay yay yay!

This morning was pretty bad. I kind of felt ridiculous for being alive. Yeah yeah I know I'm unwanted.

I went swimming ALONE today while waiting for time to pass. Cool there was no one there and I did 14 laps (haha shut up my fitness sucks okay, ) and oh, a very fat white woman flashed at me in the toilet. Yesh I need to take a break from life, seriously. I'm so fucking sick of thinking about stuff. Sometimes I feel like I want to put my head in the water and suck it all in so I don't have to go through any of this anymore. What doesn't break you makes you stronger, they say. But how can it make sense when this is the worst thing I've ever felt and I don't think there's going to be anything more painful than this? Somehow you try to fix it, make it more bearable, but then it shoots you back right in the face like a big fat meanie and you don't think it could get any worse than that. It sucks being here okay. I'm having a really really hard time. It doesn't help that my friends are avoiding me and want to spend lesser and lesser time with me. This is not called being needy. This is called 'I'm only human and I can't deal with this alone'.

So I'm trying to end it all by trying to kill myself with my exercise routine, and cut my food intake to 900 calories a day.

Monday: Swimming / Gym
Tuesday: Gym
Wednesday: Muay Thai
Thursday: Off.
Friday: Gym, Intense Training with Tiararararaaa
Saturday: Floorball
Sunday: Floorball

In two months I can become her:



Or HER.



Or I could die of overworking so my sister will call you all to attend my funeral okay. Thanks.

I can't be bothered to pull myself together.

Labels: blah, depressing, i feel like i'm slipping away kthxbye, i'm sorry i can't be fucked, sad, sickly talk