In the morning there was this sound on the train which sounded like a fingernail dragged across a chalkboard and I couldn't decide whether it was the train parts malfunctioning or my own brain disintegrating.

I can feel my own hands around my neck. Choking, trying to get that ball of fuzziness back inside. Like fuck, Ana, just swallow it, nothing's going to change anyway. It's not going to make you anymore lovely or smarter or more sophisticated. It's not going to get you picked. So just swallow it back in, Ana. Fuck, swallow it!

Sometimes I wish I was 16 forever, in a girls school, plotting my suicide and this didn't have to matter anymore.

Labels: depressing, i feel like i'm slipping away kthxbye, listless, unrequited