Okay so The Killers cd won't work on my laptop. =[ Depressing indeed.

I borrowed George Orwell's Nineteen-Eighty-Four from the school's library. It's a pretty good read, and expect politics from George Orwell. We did a passage from the book WAYYYY back in Literature last year(that's not so long ago, but I'm using caps and extra letters to create a dramatic effect, and of course, by adding words inside this bracket, it defeats the purpose, and now you're going to think me lame and no life-y and are probably going to throw rocks at me. Ah, oh well.) It was about rats and how this guy Williams was turned into a rat or was attacked by an angry mob of ratties? Yeah whatever. It's been ages since I saw Mrs Foo. Haha and everytime I think of Mrs Foo, this image of a man being strapped to a bed and huge rats being set upon him and he's being eaten alive as if he's old green cheese, comes to my mind. So anyway, I'm only through the first 3 chapters and I can't say my views on it, cause you never know, 5 chapters later I might go, OMGX ZZZ XX!! DIZ BOOKZZZ SUCKSS HARDCORE YA MOFO XXXXX!11 @i NO GO LIBRARY AfTer dizzz!#.

As pathetic as it sounds, it was fun to type like that (well, with capslock on all the way anyway.)

Naoto lookalike is related to a classmate. OMG. No way. Now it's getting harder to keep a straight face. Man, whatever. I just have to keep in mind that I'm ugly and disgusting, and that ought to keep me sane for a while.

I was seriously pissed on the way home. I'm getting intorably irritable. I was about to smack everyone on the train. 2 people stared at me and I wanted to screw their eyeballs out, and this woman like spread her legs so widely and put her feet in front of mine okay. WTF. I spread my legs wider and put my feet really close to hers, just to see how irritated she'll get. Why are commuters so damn annoying? Walao eh, take the bus can? Or maybe it's just me. I hate litter bugs, I hate irritating commuters, I don't like cranky old people, and it doesn't give them a reason to be mean just because they're old. ARGH, I hate people because most of them are so mean.

and 'spread legs' sound so porntastic. ah, sorry.

Yeah I got home, my 5 year old sis pissed me off totally. Now I'm just super f-pissed off and locked inside my room with Teh Killars. And mum's not going to go to work until Hari Raya, and that means, home will not be a welcoming place in the mean time. I try to keep and open mind and just let her be kind and just let my opinions on her just fade away, and I do that everyday. Forgive and forget; it's over. But no... at 5 she'll start... you know. I can't stand it. But somehow it's getting much easier to just ignore it, and keep the frustration inside. If she nags me or shouts at me, I don't answer, I just ignore. Just... whatever. It's my blasted life, and it's my choice to destroy it.

Up to this point, I can't see my future. Or at least, I can't see what I've envisioned it to be. Bet I'll be the lot of underacheivers. CHOY CHOY, Ramadhan can't say anything anyhow.

There are many things ahead of me. But I feel like a 70-year-old woman who has not grown up already. The world is ending, and I'm slowly decaying into a heap of dust. No one cares, no one loves. There is no time for prayers, no time for repenting. Only resentment and anger for not doing more than what I could've achieved- if only I had taken that opportunity to make a change. Or maybe I did take the chances, but made temporary changes... temporary happiness, permanent despair. Facing the threat of my extinction every single day. Not sleeping in the dark, battling invisible demons that are ever so terrible, battling fear. Not a second since the eye last rested, they are opened once again to see what is beside the bed, behind the door, over my head, what are the sounds? Unanswered questions, silent screams, trepidation- fear. Exhausted of breathing. Exhausted of the incessant boredom.

Everything will be alright.

(I'm starting to sound like Kingshaw.)

I just don't want tonight to be like last night or every other night that I try to keep awake to see my surroundings, making sure no one's watching me.

I do need a life beside writing and nonsensical sketching. It's doing weird things to my head.

YES, jas! If you wanna go gym, tell meeee! It'll let me release my frust, that's for sure.

GRAHHH!