And even though nobody's looking,
she's falling apart.

This is probably one of the most unintelligent blog ever. I add a few personal touches here and there, and well probably too much. Too much that you probably know everything about me. I only don't talk about my past though it's still part of me no matter how hard I try to run away. You don't know anything about my crushes either. Haha, so I'm not totally exposed afterall.

I'm just so fucking tired. I had dragonboat training yesterday and it was really depressing. My whole body is aching and I can't move without experiencing excruciating pain. And mum's really not happy with the training days. She isn't talking to me much anymore. I did 10kg yesterday anyway. yay for me.

I feel so sick every morning that I puke all my 'sahur' and feel really weak throughout the rest of the day. What the hell is wrong with me. I get thirsty around 8am and how am I supposed to endure fasting like this? And worse, there's training. (I don't think I can go anymore though. I don't want to severe my ties with mum.) =[
Fuck.

I'm actually sick of my classmates (not my lecture class though. They're a bundle of joy. *coughs*)

I'm so sick of self-centred people. Hell I'm a great listener. Most of the time I prefer to listen. But I cannot stand selfish, self-obsessed people. I despise them for not being able to grow out of it. Just when I was about to talk about my great weekend or whatever, here they go, 'ya we also. who cares, blah blah blah.' SHUT THE FUCK UP ASSHOLE. I know you're great and fucking cool and your world is full of shit that I'll die to live in, but hey, give me a break wanker. It's not the first time. It's probably the millionth time. 'Hey you know, this happened to...'
'OH YAH, last time...blah blah fucking blah!!!'

GAH. Fuck off. Get a fucking life man, and get therapy. I'm just so fucking sick of it. Oh yeah, the world fucking revolves around you doesn't it? Frankly, I don't actually care if your fucking spider ate your pet crocodile or that you eat cow dung with frog eyes for dinner. It's always the same story. Haven't you figured out we're so sick of it already?

You know what, I need a break. I want to spend time with great people. Not shitting motherfuckers.

After db yesterday I was depressed and was just contemplating. When you're tired, everything is just bursting to get out. And I said to myself, 'right, when I get home, I am going to cry.' It doesn't matter if it's an act of weakness, but I let myself go in the shower. I break things when I'm angry, and when I'm sad, I make sure I make myself angry so I can break things and do shit. God, it feels so much better to just let go like no one's business. Just so many things running in my mind, and I know I'm not even half as bad as other people.

It's just low esteem. That's all. It's only the people I can't click with. It's only my weight. It's only my face. It's only self-hatred. Only that.

I'll be alright.

My boobs are shrinking. Help. I hate it when you lose weight, and it's that sacred area that depletes first.

That's so random, but oh well.

I love you, whoever's reading this.