First day of the new semester is total bollocks.

Classes start at 8 and end at 5. And almost a year since I last touched my amaths, it has come to haunt me again. I want to escape from maths. And why oh why the fuck am I in engineering? I don't know, perhaps I'm so like my father.

Boring. Only one word to describe my fucking life right now. I'm tired of dealing with the same people. With classmates that don't even utter a single word to you as if you've got some fucking disease; hell what the fuck is everyone's problem? I don't see other classes being like that. I hate being an outcast; and everyone else seem to be having some kind of an inside joke that I can't be involved in. Come on man, I'm as informal in conversations as everyone else. I don't have to grow a beard and have a dick to fit in right?

BLAHHHHHHH.

Then again, I think I'm the fucking disease.
Because I'm so fat.

And hey, CCA drive is a chance to change the way life's been going. Meetings, trainings, or whatever the hell you call it -can get your mind off boredom and loneliness. I think. I hope. I'm not worth it. Not worth joining this or that; I deserve to rot and imprisoned because I don't have a life.

'I want to join this.'
No, you're too heavy. Fat bastard.

Stupid voice. Stupid esteem. Fucking go away.

I want to join rockclimbing (I know, fucking fat dreams that will never come true.) but seeing the dudes there got me very depressed. Come on man, I'm an obvious contrast. FAT and SHORT versus HUNK and FIT.
No way can I fit inside there. I guess a vision will remain a vision. Fat bastard.

I don't fit in anywhere. Even in the coolest clubs ever or the nerdy ones.
Exiled. Man, I'm so fucked up. Emotionally dependent; always needing someone to accompany me.

Fuck you Ana.

If I wasn't like this my life would be different.