I wasn't alive this morning. I'm not alive now.

GRAHHHH, Ana please wake up. I hate feeling like this.

My thoughts are scattered. I don't know what to think. I don't know what to do. I'm out of my body, I can't see myself, I can't feel anything. I'm not sad or happy, excited or vibrant. This is not my voice. This is not my face. I'm not typing. I'm somewhere in the dungeons below. I need to get out.

And then, so I thought school would do some good for me. I wish it would, in time. I hate loneliness. I hate this coldness. I hate having nothing to smile about.

For godsakes, I need to stop being angsty. I'm okay, I'm all right. I'm going to be okay. This is only for a while. Tommorow it would be different. I hope.

Damn, fasting is boring. Funny, it coming from me, seeing the crash diets I've been through, and the night binges that makes me feel so shitty about myself. Hell, I don't know anymore. Suddenly half a plate of carbohydrates seems to be deadly. I want an apple, or a pear, some fruit. GAH.

I had only one lesson today, and how freaking lame is that? And because I needed to give someone some stuff, I had 2 hours free. I went to HMV, and bought, yes, Iron Maiden's 'Matter of Life and Death.'Oh goddamnit, it's good. Not fantastic, but good. Though I wish the lyrics could be more sinister. Well actually, it's a little bit boring. I felt like going to sleep towards the end. Maybe I'm just tired, or it's just boring. The same tunes over and over again. But it's not that, that bothers me. I had hoped it would be more sinister. But it was about hell and death and yadayadayada, what you'd expect in most metal bands really. 'The Nomad' from Brave New World is still the best, and wins hands down. This album still has got to win my heart. Damn, I sound so 'woman-ly', I know. PMS maybe. But yeah, I like taking risks, that's why I just bought it. Worth it though, good stuff.

I wish I had money to get Metallica or Marilyn Manson. Because they're so awesome and I'm so lame that I don't actually own any of their albums. Shoot me.

I have to go buy yong tau fu now. Mum said so.
I hate this entry. It's boring and going nowhere.