I have decided that I will not be upset that I cannot be like my sisters or my smart friends.
I have tried and tried. My life was set on a stage, every move a performance, this face a mask in which I had hoped to please my parents, my grandparents, my family, my friends. The real person is here- vulnerable, emotional, everything everyone did not wish for me to be.

What the hell. I am upset. I will be upset for a very long time. It's not because I want good grades for my own good. Do you not understand how hungry I am for my parents' approval, how desperate I am for their praise? I see how my family and relatives surround my sisters in awe, I wish I could have that. I wish I wasn't this stupid daughter. I wish I could be somebody. I don;t want to be stupid rafhana who blends in with the wall.

this is utterly depressing. i have so many words to say but my heart is so heavy.

Labels: depressing, i'm sorry i can't be fucked, sad, school