I'm purposely making myself sick with all the compulsive eating. From eating almost nothing from friday to monday, today's lunch is considered a feast. Frozen food from freaking ntuc.

I am in a foul mood today. I stayed up all the day to 2am, studying, and tossed and turned all over the bed, and all over the floor and ceiling for over an hour. I had about 3 hours worth of sleep. When I woke up to go to school, my eyes actually HURT. It was something new of course. So exhausted. And I sat there listening to 'Disenchanted' over and over again. Till it was time to go to school.

To make the day even worse, the train took ages to come. I was just in time for my paper. When I reached, I was perspiring like no one cared. And the feeling I had while doing the paper was incredible actually. For a maths paper I'd usually start getting sweaty palms and start being all 'kan-chiong'. This time I just sat back and did it as if it were english. Haha, it felt awesome. SO FUCKING AWESOME WHEN YOU KNOW YOU STUDIED THE WHOLE FREAKING WEEKEND WITH NO BREAK OR SLEEP AND ACTUALLY KNOW HOW TO DIFFERENTIATE STUFF. I swear I've never felt so happy doing a maths paper.

Well, of course, the answers are another thing. I'm praying so hard for a good pass. I worked so hard for this, please at least give me something to smile about. Dear god, please don't give me the olevel evils!

And on top of that my shirt really reeked of dampness. Ugh I hate it when they're not properly dried. So I was cursing throughout the paper, before the paper and a little after the paper.

I feel so shitty right now. Shitty and empty. Some things just don't happen I guess. I should stop putting my hopes up high for things. I'm about to be all manic depressive again and I don't think I should let anyone know about it because I don't want to be so needy.

But the truth is I am very needy. It's pathetic. Once I get someone I try to hold onto them like a leech. Maybe I don't show it, but deep inside I'm screaming for them to come back. Like now. It's so fucking sad but I think I'll live with it.
This is so expected of me. I used to be okay with being alone, with having no shoulder to cry on, or a ear I could deafen with my constant whining. Once someone offers me that, the kindness, the warmth, the good cup of loveeee, I start holding onto them. Because it's like, someone actually gives a shit whether you live or die. And when this person comes, you hold on to him or her, and never let go, because it could be all you have now. In the future, no one might care. So I'd like to hold onto this tiny scrap of hope in my life, so so fucking dearly.

Someone please get me away from My Chemical Romance. It's too emo for me. I want to die. =\

Labels: depressing, friends, sad