I tried not to think about someone. Then I realised there was nothing else. I am so fucking empty. I had no dreams, no purpose- suddenly I turned into this person who did not have anything to say, or to do, or thoughts that threaded in my mind. I was just someone thinking about someone else.

What is this cruel obsession, what are the deceiving dreams that seek to manipulate me with false signs and hope? This has changed me. The poet and artist is now gone. I have turned ordinary.

Fucking ordinary.

So I lie down on my bed and found myself thinking about nothing, nothing at all. No music, no screams, only the deafening silence. It was unsettling; it was different. I am no longer human. I did not feel anything, except emptiness. That my heart was hollow and carved out. It felt as if someone had eaten my heart and I could not feel again. And my mind was gone. I was incapable of thinking. It was just, empty.

I played some music and felt real again. But I was alive in the big black hole. Back into the big black hole that I detest. It was horrible. The sickening visions, the forsaken memories, started to drown me. I tried to weep but I could not. I could not feel anything, and my mind was empty still. The person had gone away, and now I am all alone.

Labels: depressing