What is it about your past that you hate so much? I mean, I read about people trying to deny their past so as to loathe it so much. It's making it worse. You're suppressing it only to realise that it'll come to haunt you again.

The past is the future. It's the present. You can't run away from it. Whatever shit you did before, you can't just wish it to disappear forever. Accepting it is growing into a better person. Reflecting on the past and doing what ever possible to transform into something better is what makes you mature.

I won't deny that I have made many mistakes too, probably much worse and I got wasted. It's easy to say, 'oh if i hadn't done this', 'oh if i never knew what the black hole was like...' I'm constantly reminded how it was, because I don't want to be in the same situation again. This way I can be someone better, I can finally grow up and get out of it. You can't just erase it as if it meant nothing to you. The past has moulded you into the present, it has made you into this person. If you didn't go through that shit in your life, did you think you'd be the same by now? You'd probably be partying around like fucking idiots who haven't grown up.

Then and again I say to myself, thank god I went through that. Thank god you know what it's like to want to kill yourself and fail at life. Thank god you can't keep any fucking friends to be there for you. Thank you, thank you.

If life were that easy, I would've been like mindless fuckwits out there, lustful, blissful and free. It would've been harder for them to appreciate every breath, every day, every sunlight. It would've been harder to observe everyone around you and empathise with them. Thank god, that I feel so sorry for everyone that sometimes I cry for the old man walking down the street.

What's the one thing you want to erase from your life?

I want to erase my secondary school life, I want to erase my graduation day, I want to erase primary 6, I want to erase almost everything. Call me a senseless shit who doesn't appreciate anyone who appeared during that period. It was so fucking painful for me. It was so fucking painful to live. And graduation day was the worse episode of my life, because I got to see how much I was worth. It was like, I never existed.

And maybe they were right. I'm an insignificant fuck.

But you see, if everyone accepted me back then, I wouldn't be this person right now. I would still be emotionally dependent, I would cry every second I'm left to be by myself, I would have died. The past was a blast. I can't deny that it hurts still and is still hard to get over it.
But hey, at least I'm trying.