I need to stop swearing. It's only 10.57 and I think from 8.30 until now I've said grrr, infinity swear words? My tongue is so going to be cut off, and I'm going to suffer severe dementia when I reach 40(I hope not.)

Grah, need to stop.

Relationship with mum = no good.

She's not talking to me. She speaks to me like a third person. And I find my affection towards her quite appaling. No, it's not good. I wish I understood her more. Yesterday she threw a mad fit and went throwing stuff around. Wth. Come on, be more adult. She loves my 5 year old sis too much, I guess. My sis got one of her fingers burnt because children are stupid and they like to touch hot iron. Lol. Mum got really angry at our maid and threw a tantrum big time. Cruel. My father was out so yeah, I guess she felt 'happier' screaming at people and throwing things around. I'm so mean, I know. When I talk to my sister about her, I refer to her as, 'your mother.' I know, I'm an ungrateful brat, a fucking asshole, yadayadayada, whatever. My whole life I've never actually liked her as much as my other sisters did.

Once I thought if they filed for a divorce and I wanted to stay with my dad.

I'm just so fucking weird, I know.

And why do I keep having weird dreams about being forced to join some kind of satanic army to murder our parents? Hahaha, hilariously weird when you think about it, but really scary when you're actually in that dream. And the world was ending, so it was more wickedly horrifying.