So how do you cope with a family that's haywire and really bitchy?

Resistance.

I think I should be able to deal with this shit for 17 years now. But hell no, why do I live with this same old fucking fear? She isn't going to hit me anymore, because I'm taller and stronger, and because she gets that I'm not going to be any smarter or more brilliant even if she does physically abuses me.

I usually couldn't take it. I would fucking swear and curse and think that that was the end of life and she wasn't going to respect me anymore. I'd put the blame on myself, and die with it.

I hate pain. Emotional abuse.

I hate it.

I found out that wasn't going to help me in any way. I don't want to be affected by abuse or uncaringness. I want to be like everyone. Carefree, mindless, happy.

Oh fuck, I wish.

I don't blame them for it, because they just lack skills in parenting. No one taught them, so I don't blame them at all. I hate them for their simple mindedness.

Hell, fuck you.

But now, my technique is just 'not to think about it so much.' To hell with it, and walk proudly. Yeah, I came home at 10 and I'm fucking proud of it. Mum, I don't care if you're not happy. I just don't fucking care anymore. I'm done with you being uptight and yet not noticing me. You want control. You don't give a flying fuck at all. I'm not sorry I'm not good enough for you. I inherited your genes. Stop yelling at me just because you hate yourself.

I think god is going to send me to hell for this post. I'm fucking sorry.

Now, I need to move on from angstyness.

I went to the Jurong water themepark thingy place with Nadya! I guess it was kind of 'spoil', cause people dropped out last minute. Lol happy happy, then have to drop the bomb. That Azhairul la, found out only us going, then he changed his mind. Then Zakiyyah the organiser cannot come also. Bagus.

In the end, me and Nadya went, in the evening. It was fun, nonetheless. I'm just so tired and sleepy and pissed off right now. Woot. I need to do that again! Next time remembering my waterproof camera. Haha, lucky no guys came with us. Cause we were very sexy ah. LOL.

And found out that Nadya had the same opinions as mine. So we had TONS of stuff to talk about. And I ate KFC and finished everything! (ugh, but wooot at the same time.) The mrt ride home was interesting too.

Only that my mum was being really bitchy as usual and sent me sms-es with exclaimation marks everywhere. When I got home, she bitched at me. Well, I don't really expect anything much from her. It's always negativity and yelling. Can't she at least be like other mothers for godsakes. I don't drink or smoke, and that's good enough already.

Meh.

Still, I had fun. mustdoitagain, and monday watch movie. *squee*

signing off,
Raf.
Yes, I'm fully aware that this ending is abrupt.