I finished a new portrait drawing. After so many months of not drawing.

See it here:
http://silenceana.deviantart.com/art/Fishboy-93566929
http://silenceana.deviantart.com/art/Fishboy-93566929
http://silenceana.deviantart.com/art/Fishboy-93566929
http://silenceana.deviantart.com/art/Fishboy-93566929
http://silenceana.deviantart.com/art/Fishboy-93566929

For Kelvin and little Ben.

Labels: art, ben, deviantart, drawing

Right I'm having a splitting headache and I haven't really slept since Monday and I have to study. I don't know how to study. Never knew how.

In the meantime I uploaded more pictures into my deviantart. Please be nice and see them!

http://silenceana.deviantart.com/art/Smiley-smiley-89533812
My sister.

http://silenceana.deviantart.com/art/Rolling-89297374
Kowloon.

I really want to take my photography to another level but I really hate my lens! I need a 50mm. Someone help! I need money money money. I need filters, blah blah blah.

26 days till I turn 19. I hope my parents give me something good!

Sigh. Kind of feels like I'm standing there at the side of the road watching my heart being rolled over and squashed again and again.

After all these shitty tests finishes I need to get a job and do up my room. I need to go UK by Christmas. Lol, hopefully!

Labels: deviantart, i'm sorry i can't be fucked, school

I understand feeling as small and as insignificant as humanly possible. And how it can actually ache in places you didn't know you had inside you. And it doesn't matter how many new haircuts you get, or gyms you join, or how many glasses of chardonnay you drink with your girlfriends... you still go to bed every night going over every detail and wonder what you did wrong or how you could have misunderstood. And how in the hell for that brief moment you could think that you were that happy. And sometimes you can even convince yourself that he'll see the light and show up at your door. And after all that, however long all that may be, you'll go somewhere new. And you'll meet people who make you feel worthwhile again. And little pieces of your soul will finally come back. And all that fuzzy stuff, those years of your life that you wasted, that will eventually begin to fade.
-Iris, The Holiday

Sigh, how can I not be good enough?





http://silenceana.deviantart.com/art/Solace-86288878


Out of the 6 classes I had today, I only attended 2. Yes, I ought to be shot. Will study tonight and maybe watch sad movies.

Labels: deviantart, loveee, unrequited

What happens when you fall down and break your heart into pieces? How do you get rid of the pain living inside the crevices of your soul? What if it's too deep, what if it grows like a disease?

How do I go on from here? How do I pick up the pieces, how do I wash away the marks on the walls because of my own doing?

Stand back up. Wake up and smell the flowers, open my eyes to dawn. The pain will go away. It always goes, it heals. Like the marks on my hands, my legs, they turn into white lines after some time. No wound is ever gaped open. They turn to scars, scars turn to red lines, red lines turn to white skin. I will be okay, I will recover, I will be healed.

There were times I was genuinely happy. Genuinely happy around people I really cared about. Every smile around you was real because I was a girl, enchanted. It wasn't always in pain. It was like on aladdin's magic carpet (lol.) I was really really happy most of the time.

I'm okay now. Ana is okay now. It has stopped bleeding. I'm just wrapping the bandages and standing back up.

I'm okay now.




(In the morning I stood in front of the camera and wept and it helped a lotttt.)

http://silenceana.deviantart.com/art/Mrning-85086564
sunrise.

http://silenceana.deviantart.com/art/Over-My-Shoulder-85148050
Not a pretty morning face.

Labels: deviantart, letting go, loveee, pondering, unrequited

Fuck what are these teardrops doing here.

=[




http://silenceana.deviantart.com/art/Korean-Boy-84609258

http://silenceana.deviantart.com/art/Lift-me-back-up-to-the-sun-84464383

http://silenceana.deviantart.com/art/white-84420482

Labels: deviantart, photography, sad

i'm bored.

anyway here are shots from my photography trip.

http://silenceana.deviantart.com/art/Lift-me-back-up-to-the-sun-84464383
After my trip. Funny how this made the final cut and the shots from botanic gardens and macritchie didn't make it.

http://silenceana.deviantart.com/art/white-84420482
Botanic Gardens.

Labels: blah, deviantart, photography

Is it time for me to stop believing that everything is going to work out, it's going to fall into place, i'm going to be okay, we'll live happily ever after?

I'm just clinging onto this dream.

Don't tell me it's not going to work.


...



Muay Thai was very demanding and I'm really really scared of doing more push ups.

Uploaded a new picture of zakiyyah up on deviantart. full view please. haha.
http://silenceana.deviantart.com/art/Dragonboat-Lady-84241616

Labels: deviantart, dreams, loveee, muay thai, unrequited

I suddenly feel like my camera has turned into a useless piece of junk. I have a dslr on my lap and I don't know what to do. I wish I had the guts to like sling the camera over my neck, get lost, and start shooting.

AHHH.

I feel so frustrated.

And, I still haven't sunk into the momentum of school life. I feel exhausted. I wish I didn't have to take business and fucking personal financial planning. I HATE HATE HATE HATE having my time occupied by things which I think is a waste of time. I need to spend like an hour or so drawing up a timetable. MUST MUST MUST!

Okay will go offline now and please please look at my
DEVIANTART gallery and look at my pictures. I will go out soon and shoot somemore.

Labels: depressing, deviantart, photography

Woke up and found myself staring at the ceiling.

Smiling to myself.

Happy.

(:




(btw still circling places in the map.)

Anyway here's the product from today's photoshoot with my sexiest model. You can show it to mr blob. hahahaha.
http://silenceana.deviantart.com/art/Zaki-83941589
Did post processing. You should see the before and after man. I really really like this potrait! All because of zakiyyah's ambiguous smile!


:) happy happy happy.

Labels: deviantart, happy talk

I uploaded some pictures into my gallery. Check them out!

http://silenceana.deviantart.com/art/Nettie-83836267

and

http://silenceana.deviantart.com/art/I-ll-live-there-someday-83819765

thanks for looking.


argh back to my research that is going nowhere.

Labels: deviantart

I have no idea what to do today by the way.

This usually happens when your life has started to become like a repetition of mundane chores like pasting cut out names on six thousand postcards, typing aircon brands, and photocopying paper that you wish you could wipe your ass on after which you would give to your boss. Oh I haven't told you. I'm have an MC for two freaking days! Yay! Downside is I have six medications of take three times a day, so I'd probably be sleeping because there's a lot of drowsiness going on in there. Also my MC expires tommorow and yesterday I pretty much spent the whole day sleeping, doing things halfway and watching mtv.

So basically I'll list the things I feel like doing today. I need to pick one, well because I need to take my meds and go back to sleep and I'd like to think my day has been productive.

1) Paint.
This could pose a problem. I have an idea, a message. But, my skills might not be able to convey the idea.

2) Go ikea.
Go ikea and get some storage solutions. My craft stuff is overflowing and has invaded my bedroom which makes it hard for me to live probably. My room has turned into a hostile warmongering fiesty man turn off, of some sort. I need this $29 drawer thingy so that my room would be more organised and it would be easier to sweep the floor. But wth, who goes to ikea aloneeee?

3) Clean my room.
To do this I need to do #2. Is it safe to throw away all my old notes if I don't plan on doing engineering in the future?

4) Go online and wait for people to talk to me.
Oh wait I'm doing that now.

5) Sew a bag for new semester.
Good idea, will do that but it shouldn't take the wholeee day.

6) Read the Sony Alpha100 manual.
Sigh. Boring. No longer excited. Boo.

7) Watch movies and knit scarves.

8) Read and fall asleep.
I am sick of sleeping. Such a waste of time.

I reaallly want to do #1 and #3. Who wants to go ikea with me? Anyone?

Bugger I have to go back to work tomorrow.

Uploaded a new piece of art: HULLABALLOON. Sorry for the image quality. Damn you IXUS 70, you have failed me! It's cool I guess. 9 views and already 2 favourites. Hehe, my least favourite painting.

Labels: annoying, art, blah, deviantart, random talk

I finally uploaded my recent painting on my deviantart. I painted it in one night.
Try to inteprete it. It isn't that hard. Just sad.

CLICK HERE TO SEE MY PAINTING
please view it. for my sake.

I'm currently working on a new painting now. It's been quite hard because I didn't buy a canvas large enough to incorporate details.

Somebody tell me why I'm on my own,
if there's a soulmate for everyoneeeeee.

Labels: art, deviantart, sad

I have not touched my notes since last Thursday. Reason?
You can't stop inspiration, you can't refuse the desire to create.

Behold, my first painting in two years. Haha.

CLICK HERE TO SEE MY PAINTING

Copy&Pasted rather loser-ishly from my 'Artist Comment' box:
'I have never used acrylic before, or even had the guts to paint anything in what seems to be two years. Reason being I suck at it.
However, recently I had come to know a remarkable person who turned out to be an amazing artist and a friend. Somehow, he inspired me to pick up a brush and just do it. Yesterday I went a little crazy and decided to paint. Was I wrong to listen to him? I do not know.
All I know is that I WAS happy with the result but the scanner ruined everything! I swear the colours are less subdued than that. It’s vibrant! Vibrant I tell you.
Well, it’s Kelv’s Secret Box of Magic Garlic. That’s why it’s green. Is this psychedelic? '

3 days left. 3 days until I can paint again.

Labels: art, deviantart

PLEASE CLICK HERE TO SEE MY DRAWING
Yes, I shamelessly want more pageviews on my deviantart, hence I didn't put the preview thingy because people are just so lazy to see the full thing. It's is a drawing of Sweeney Todd, mind you. 8 hours, pencils.

and still, all i want to do now is draw.

stop me if you can.

Labels: deviantart, drawing, johnny depp

Yay! I finished drawing my johnny depp.
It looks awesome to me. right now i'm too tired and happy to even care whether anyone likes it or not.

Drawing makes me sane. It makes me not think about things. It's just me, my paper, my pencil, and music.


Johnny Depp by ~silenceana on deviantART

Labels: deviantart, johnny depp

I fell in love with a greek boy on DeviantArt. Of course he doesn't know me. Lol.

I miss my Adam, I miss my James. I guess we all have to accept the fact that all this won't last long when you've all got lives to live. All the more I should start saving up for my trip to London. I had it all planned out with James. He's going to take me on dates and bring me to the haunts there. I think we're going to sleep in a leaky room. Well as long as he isn't seeing someone else.

Haha, I don't know how much he tries to reassure me that he will go out with me when I get there. That sticky little toad, he hasn't called! I suppose he has been busy taking up photo assignments and all those cool job stuff.

I know I can ramble on and on about him because he can't read this!

I miss James dearly. But I miss Adam more. I could just cry thinking about him.
*makes a million sad faces*

all i have are naughty girlfriends who likes chocolate. hem hem.

Labels: deviantart

I love rainy days. Though I wish I was outside doing that.

*makes a scary 'woo' noise* It's Halloween! I wish I could go to a halloween party.
I spent the whole of last night making my sister's faery wings. Her school's having a halloween party! It's so unfair, cause I want one!

Here are them pictures which I took early in the morning.





I know you're excited to go to my house cause it's blue! and visit the Red Room, which has like my bras strewn all over!

Right, I really really can't wait to get my hands on a dslr. I just have ideas on a rainy day.

Oh yes, something I found in my files a while back.


Drive by by ~silenceana on deviantART

Imagine the possibilities of getting a more sophisticated gear!

Okay okay, I better get started on e-learning.

Labels: deviantart, happy talk

I had to make a difficult decision today. To fund a dslr and some lenses, I need to sell off my untouched yarn stash. That includes my skinny scarves and everything. I suck at selling stuff. I revamped and took better pictures of my chunky charm bracelets and I still haven't done any advertising of the site. I just haven't got the energy and interest to do it.

Looks like I won't be knitting for quite some time. I'm lacking funds for my basic needs of survival. Heh.

I made this whole financial revolution. Next time I go to Starbucks, I'm going to order the most cheapest and smallest drink.

Ah, the life of a starving artist. I might need to sell my drawings too. Or take commissions. Anyone?

P.s. Look through my DEVIANTART, you might see a collection of my drawings there. The best is Gerard Butler. But I'm so poor now, I think I might take commissions. Err is $30 a portrait too expensive? I use high quality paper, and request a picture (I work best with softcopy.) Email me at rafhanabanana@gmail.com for more details.

Labels: deviantart, money

http://silenceana.deviantart.com/
http://silenceana.deviantart.com/
http://silenceana.deviantart.com/
http://silenceana.deviantart.com/
http://silenceana.deviantart.com/

Don't be lazy to look through my gallery. I've put up some shots from the gyl trip.

Labels: deviantart

I have great news for myself. My Gerard Butler portrait has been featured in GBfans on Deviantart. This is so BIG! And it's too bad none of you like it except for Nettie!

I'm totally motivated now. I like myself so far. I like myself because I can draw.

Go me!

Labels: deviantart, gerard butler, happy talk