I've never felt so alone in the world. Like everywhere you turn, there's no one, just strangers, staring back at you, shadows hiding behind the curtains, whispering. No blanket to shield you from the cold, no big fat arm to cuddle, nothing, nothing in sight. I feel like my world has turned upside down and I don't know how it'll ever be right side up again. Everything is all wrong now, nothing is falling into place, everything is falling apart, disintegrating, floating in the air beyond my reach. I don't know how to fix this. I can't fix this. I want all of it to be right again, I want to go back to when everything was new and exciting, so I'd know how to do it right. So I can watch the series of good events happening in front of my eyes, feel the emotions running through me and feel the same happiness, the same butterflies in the stomach feeling, and the tingling feeling deep inside my soul where no one knows.

You know sometimes, it doesn't matter if you're standing beside someone and talking to them. You feel like they're drifting further and further away from you, they're turning into this person you don't know, and you're scared. Scared one day they might be gone from your life and leave you here to cope with being absolutely alone. It's like this vision, these memories of all the time you spent together laughing, giggling, talking- dissipating, dying, gone. It was like a dream, all of it.

I'm spending a lot of my time at school alone nowadays. I am going insane. I have no one to talk to, no one to eat with, no one to go places with. PSP isn't enough to get me away from my sadness. Oh the agony of being completely alone. And I just starve the whole day and sit at t15 like some loon waiting for classes. Today I was very moody so I skipped lecture and just went to jurong point and ate there alone. Who cares I was so fucked up already. I'm going to be fucked up for the rest of my semester. No my life isn't going to change, it's just one big blow after another. Soon when I'll have enough I'll jump down and die.

Labels: depressing, nothing makes sense anymore, sad, school, sinking