Once in a house on a hill
A boy got angry
He broke into my heart

For a day and a night
I stayed beside him
Until I had no hope

So I came down the hill
Of course I was hurt
But then I started to think

It shouldn't hurt me to be free
It's what I really need
To pull myself together
But if it's so good being free
Would you mind telling me
Why I don't know what to do with myself


It's funny isn't it, how love actually makes you want to die. Like all you want to do now is get so fucking drunk and walk aimlessly to the middle of the road and hope some truck hits you and you'd die like an instantaneous death, thus ending your pain, filling up your emptiness with crushed brain and broken bones. We have all been blind. Blinded by the lie that someday something might exist.

I'm letting go. This is hurting me, being in love. This was my burden to bear.
It was a gift for you that someone loved you that much. This person also loved you so much that it became a curse cause everything is messed up now. I'm sick of falling apart and having to put myself back together again. I'm chasing a rainbow to no end. I'm dangling my heart on a piece of string and no fish eats it up.

Thank you, thank you, for everything. You have no idea how happy you've made me. Just your friendship and kindness alone was enough to stop me from spiraling into self-destruction.

I stopped asking god for things. I am a bad person. I don't believe god hears me. I don't believe god gives a damn anymore, or has ever given a damn. Sometimes I ask if he puts us here to die. With no guide or light, or hope that motivates us to survive. I've lost hope that god hears me because every goddamn thing is falling apart now.

With no god I feel so fucking screwed up. I need god back in my life. I feel nothing, nothing at all. Like I'm screaming standing on a boat in the vast ocean but no one hears me. I'm all alone, in the dark, standing naked and shivering, because god is absent from my life. I feel nothing. I am empty. How did it ever amount to this? Why?

WHY WHY WHY.



I thought of the boy
No one could ever forget

It shouldn't hurt me to be free
It's what I really need
To pull myself together
But if it's so good being free
Would you mind telling me
Why I don't know what to do with myself

Labels: cruel, depressing, i feel like i'm slipping away kthxbye, letting go, loveee, nothing makes sense anymore, sad