It's getting harder and harder faking a smile in school. I feel like my face has stiffened and it's now some ugly porcelain piece waiting to crack. It's like I'm really trying to put myself back together and gluing the pieces. But then inside its like this pressure, this force, these waves of emotions trying to break out, trying to shatter the outer surface and expose the core beneath.

I admit I have not been mentally there. People talk to me and I'm not really paying attention. All I'm doing is actually trying to stop myself from bursting out in tears or bouts of anger. I'm having a really hard time keeping it all together.

Pardon me if I'm not being understanding or whatever. I'm having a very hard time coping with being ugly, being not good enough, being unworthy, being useless, being a screwup, being a horrible friend, etc. It hurts like fucking hell inside. And everyone is just throwing all these stuff onto me, like piling and piling, making me feel more and more worthless, ugly, and incompetent. For a moment, just stop and try to understand why it isn't that easy to pretend that everything is okay.

I just want a hug. It feels like shit now.

Labels: depressing, fat, i feel like i'm slipping away kthxbye, i'm sorry i can't be fucked, listless, sad