Two weeks have passed, and I have not tried talking to my father about my 'request'. I imagine it would come off as wrong and he would scream at me for bothering him about it. I'm getting restless. I'm getting moody. I am fucking desperate.

What if he refuses to get me one? I don't want to starve for like a whole year before I can explore my other creative interests. My IXUS is my love, but I want to love something more now. I can do so much better. I wish I could tell him that it is a tool I need to unleash whatever that needs to be free. It's like if I don't have a pencil and a paper I would die of overloading. It's the same now. I need it, or I cannot cope. I would sulk all day and hope he gets the message.

But time is running out. If he doesn't want to give me a loan, I would have to find other means of affording it. If he didn't mean what he said, he shouldn't have gotten my hopes up so high. I hope he meant what he said; about how much better it would be if I had it. My father never praised me for anything before, except photography. They hated my interest in drawing, and how much it took up my time.

I bet they don't understand how someone can be so deep and withdrawn, and that art could be the only way of keeping sane.

Dear god, please help me. I've been patient and everything. Why won't he say yes?

Labels: annoying, sad