Just don't mind me, I'm feeling rather emo and doing the last thing I would ever do- listening to mychemicalromance with very emo hair. Brr, fuck it's cold now. I have just woken up from my much needed afternoon sleep, and it feels like I've just wasted a day. Tsk tsk, the moral of the story is to sleep and not play cards at night.

Hey I'm back to society, back to the real world. Back to nagging mothers and unconcerned fathers, back to sadness and soberity. Hello routine, you are here again.

Despite feeling fucked up most of the time, I had a great time. Hey fuck, minus the tiredness and itchyness and the inability to communicate for some stupid reason, hey I had fun. I adopted a new speaking habit, for example, most things must end with 'sia'. Ehm like, 'Then do what sia.' And I guess I enhanced my broken english even more. And spoke more malay. Ah that is a good thing because I don't have to follow the tyranny of english, like past tense, present and blah blah blah. I've been too uptight, correcting everyone. So now, it's just fuck it, broken english is just as awesome. And I never thought I'd say this, but shit, I miss speaking in Malay. No malay people to speak to in school sia.

My self-esteem increased. I can't say it's incredible. I've relatively changed in a huge way, but not enough to have me as outspoken and happy as other people. Have I found my confidence? Probably. It's somewhere there. I can speak publically (though I'm aware I sound like a moron most of the time.) and uh, take pictures with random people I don't know much about. Well uh, I also like them I guess, that's why. Hahaha. (Well I guess if MM guys can look at BE girls, MM girls can look at MM and BE people too right.)

We didn't have much chance to flaunt our group flag. It's fucking awesome; what a pity.



I stepped on the scale this morning and discovered I have lost weight. Not suprising really, I expected to lose much more. But shit happens. I just have to eat less and work more. I didn't eat much throughout the whole camp because my appetite somehow ceased and I got full so easily. But I was still a glutton, eating breakfast, lunch and dinner eventhough a little. I ate quite a lot during gala night and yesterday's dinner.

Now if you don't mind, I want to reminisce and extend this entry and bore you to death. It's my blog, and I can.

Day One was okay. 4 am in the morning, I woke up, but stayed in my room because I was scared to go out. Lol. So I was running around the house at 5 packing last minute things and got nagged by mother. She was incredibly bitchy. She didn’t say goodbye to me, the last thing she said before I went inside the airport was cold and mean. Hell fuck, she doesn’t trust me at all. And for fucks sake I’m 17, not fucking 10 and I have a fucking brain.


On the plane. yay. Me and my stupid face.

Okay, pleasant journey, appetite was gone, so I gave my burrito thing to someone else. For the whole day my appetite was screwed and didn’t eat much. YAY. I think it’s because there were boys around, and I happen not to have appetite around them. Uh, I felt fat and undeserving to eat I guess? Probably not, because I was genuinely full and fucked up. Food makes me fucked up. Throughout the whole flight I was on high tide. I'm just not friends with water; they make me pee too much. =
That cultural house thing was great. Hell, I didn’t take much pictures, I felt so stupid and ugly and morbidly obese. Ha. And it was troublesome to climb up the unusual steps. I felt quite queasy entering some of the houses.



Blah, sometimes I think pictures speak a thousand words but I'm so lazy to resize and upload it on photobucket.

The resort was just awesome. It's more comfortable than my bed, and I miss it so right now.

We had workshops every night and it was tiring. Most of the time I was disoriented and not able to think properly. I'm a bad leader. Most of the time I felt like I was under false pretences. MFL saying I was good and stuff. I'm not good, I'm fucking bad and miserable. I feel so fucking miserable not being able to lead. Others do things, I sit there and say nothing. I guess I'm just a follower. I don't know. I feel like a screw up most of the time. No, not feel, I am a fucking screw up.

Am I genuinely depressed, or is it just this James Blunt's song that is making me feel so?

Day Two we had kayaking and raft building. Raft building was depressing. Very depressing. I hated it. I thought the idea for the raft was stupid and it wasn't going to work. People were just brazen like fuck to listen to me. My physics just happen to be 'excellent' and I happen to know about resistance and center of gravity and such. Anyways, group 2 got seperated and I had to join the BE people. Yes, it was depressing fuck, to work with people you scarcely know. And the design for the raft was obviously bullshit, in my mind. The instructors said it wouldn't work, so another HAH. Told you fucking so. I hate it when people don't listen to my ideas and especially when I happen to be right in the end. Pffft.

During the capsize drill for the kayak thingy, Wayne and I saw a jelly fish, or was it an octopus? Well it was one of them alright. Wayne freaked out and swam faster. Lol scary shit. It was brown and shiny. Wayne says the darker it is, the more poisonous.

We kayaked in the rain, and the sea was scary and my kayak was more unstable. I had to stone there and balance, or else it would capsize. We capsized anyway, while I escaped the kayak. Well Yus did capsize, not me. Haha. Before that we had to gather in the middle of the sea and stand on the kayak. I was at the end, so I had only Victor to hold on to. And also, I had to peddle to steer all of them to rotate. Wow. Excellent, I was working my arms a lot.

At dinner we needed to 'cook' something in a bamboo pole. Mixing the chicken was disgusting.



While waiting for the thing to cook we took more pictures.



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I'm tired and sleepy. More tommorow, maybe.