I love rainy days. Though I wish I was outside doing that.

*makes a scary 'woo' noise* It's Halloween! I wish I could go to a halloween party.
I spent the whole of last night making my sister's faery wings. Her school's having a halloween party! It's so unfair, cause I want one!

Here are them pictures which I took early in the morning.





I know you're excited to go to my house cause it's blue! and visit the Red Room, which has like my bras strewn all over!

Right, I really really can't wait to get my hands on a dslr. I just have ideas on a rainy day.

Oh yes, something I found in my files a while back.


Drive by by ~silenceana on deviantART

Imagine the possibilities of getting a more sophisticated gear!

Okay okay, I better get started on e-learning.

Labels: deviantart, happy talk

fuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuck
fuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuck
fuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuck
fuckfuckfuckfuckfuck
fuckfuckfuckfuck
fuckfuckfuck
fuckfuck
fuck.

you know what, whatever. I'm young.
I don't fucking care.

Labels: i'm sorry i can't be fucked

Terrible night accompanied by bad dreams, resonating tune of 'Everything We Had', and an amazingly heavy heart.

I'm so tired of having dreams.

Labels: dreams

Shocking, really. Yet it doesn't feel like a dozen silver bullets has just penetrated my heart. More of like, 'oh okay. oh okay, so it's not this, than it's something else.' Ugh, just think of the ink and paper and time I have wasted.

I'm so addicted to this:

Labels: depressing, letting go

I think I'm a little late.

But here goes, anyway. SELAMAT HARI RAYA. I know I barely talk, so it's possible that I've never offended anyone (haha, like real.) Okay, so anyway, I'm bored and it's your fault!

Gah, I'm at home listening to the emo station on Launch. My parents are away at Malacca, visiting my nenek and atok's family. We've been getting calls from people who wants to visit this house, but my parents aren't in. It's sad that hardly anyone has visited us, except for like my aunties. So yeah, we've been eating all the kuehs and I don't know how much we have left. Same goes to the two cartons of Mug and Pepsi.

Now let's sit back and admire my pictures.


This Ikan Kaloi has been in this very tank since I was primary 5. It's my atok's companion. It's been very meanie lately.


Yeah, obviously we didn't get new shoes this year.

See my flikr page, http://flickr.com/photos/rafhanarosli for a little more. They're supposed to have some 'photographic' value in them. Haha, oh yeah.

Shit this emo music is growing on me.

I don't know what to do after this. I'm so bored to death, bored to death, bored to death! It's so bright and shiny outside, it's not fair I'm not outdoors to enjoy it.

Labels: annoying, random talk

I had such a great time whining with Nettie and telling her all about my loo of love.

So I like made this list of the requirements for my future life partner.
1) Cook, or bear with my whiny menu of Italian cuisine.
2) Do dishes, I will do laundry.
3) Sweep the floor, I will wipe stuff.
4) Must be tall, mhmmm. Either that, or really fun.
5) Share common interests. (most important.)
6) Deep. But not too deep that he'll kill himself.
7) Hairy hands. Hairy. Hairy! I need someone who is hairier than me!
8) He must have obvious veins on his arms. Must!
9) Healthy. Haha.
10) I must stress this. Hairy! HAIRY! Ok, but not too hairy. Like arm and leg hairy only.

Okay if you're any of this, or your name is Bran and you live in Sevenwaters, don't hesitate to call me!

Labels: random talk

Right. I was unfortunate enough to experience the most hostile day of my life. Yes, you know what, Nettie. I am so glad to be home and start hanging a noose from the ceiling.

And I try so fucking hard but I'm never going to be anybody significant. My art can just go and fucking die, I'm never going to be a kind and thoughtful person, the state of my writing is deteriorating, everything, everything will never be right. Yes, everything I touch turns to shit. One month of like floorball and I can't dribble for shit. Suddenly I understood why Michael killed himself. If you can't do anything, then you might as well not live. Such a sad waste of space, of everyone else's time. I feel like a fungus growing on other people.

This isn't right. This isn't right. I mustn't be this shit stuck in the fucking hellhole. I'm brand new from the sea. Brand new, shiny and happy.

Fuck. Just, fuck.

There's nothing else but this shithole.

Labels: depressing, sad

I feel like Michael in Paint it Black. I feel so worthless, a total fucking zero. Everything I touch turns to shit.

Labels: i'm sorry i can't be fucked

I love this ad. My god, it's haunting me. I feel as though I could just crumple and die everytime it plays.

I want to know who sang this =(

Labels: depressing

So here's the thing. I am really lazy to upload pictures from my IXUS. And this affects the quantity of posts I am able to produce in like a week, since they're all related.

Hopefully I find a good uploading time, someday!

Latest Update:
-I gave my Nike running shoe to my sister. The sole is a little threathening, and it's too comfortable for sprinting. Again, will post later with pictures.

-I cut my hair at 3pm today. It was getting too long and pretty. and yes, I cut my hair MYSELF. That is how crazy and unstable I am.

-Floorball is growing on me. But hey, who am I to say when I suck like, what the hell.

okay okay bye!


And so it is.

I bet people would be writing up posts about the end of fasting month, about the rendang and ketupat and green packets.

I haven't made the best out of this Ramadhan. In fact, I haven't done a single terawih prayer. All I did was to keep wishing and wishing some miracle would happen. And I can't even fast on the last week of the fasting month. You know, Ramadhan is like the weeks before Christmas, when you pull out your pen and paper, formulate a wishlist, because it's the month you might get something out of your wishlist. You know, and you like list all this things you need help in acheiving in Ramadhan, because it's the time when the angels roam here and there and pray for you, and it's the month where most of your prayers would come true. I did pray for a lot of things, but I haven't done enough. I mean, my mother wakes up at like 4 in the morning to do her prayers, read the Koran and never miss a night of terawih. What is that compared to me, this really oily faced, depressed and lazy girl? I should have made the best out of Ramadhan, since it only comes once a year. And this month was the most depressing for me, because of my mother and everything. I hope God forgives me and help me survive. I'm tired of being sad, I'm so tired of being pissed off at my mother and I'm so tired of the moody brooding Rafhana. Hopefully the next Ramadhan I would be happier, thinner and un-lazy.

Oh well, school today. My family is going off to Johore at 2pm today, so I am skipping maths tutorial! Or maybe I should skip the whole day? I would be so happy and gay if that happens!

I almost cried thinking about Faye today. I wonder if she knows about this blog.

To Jasmine: So sorry I can't say anything. Sometimes I think if I shut up it's so much better you know? One thing I learnt about this is that if you keep it bottled up inside, the process is going to take much much longer. But you know, this whole thing is going to make you much stronger. It's going to take time, so take as much time as you need. So take heart Jas, it will soon be over. *hugs*

Labels: sad

Okay, my sister is mugging for her o levels, so I have no proper table to put my laptop on, so that I could write really really long entries. I am really sorry for that.

On Friday, I made cookies. We usually make a fair few before Eid, but this year, everyone's been really lazy except for well, me. So I made this really chocolately cookie, but the dough turned out really watery and oily. See, baking makes me happy, but this time it made me feel shittier than ever. I never screw up my baking. They always turn out good. So yeah, it was really depressing for me. It tastes so good, but it turned into goo in the oven. So I tried to rectify it, added more flour and oatmeal and nuts and chocolate. Then it was okay. Phew. It tastes nice, but there wasn't that umph I tried to acheive. How disappointing.

Saturday, Floorball training. Okayy, I suck at sprinting stuff. And all training stuff entries lies in my livejournal, because I do not wish to elaborate. Haw haw.
I swept my room! Finally. I was wondering when I would do it. Re-did the 'sofa' in my room, changed the potpurri, cleaned my dressing table. My room smells oh so vanilla-y. You know, it looks great now. If only there wasn't any books strewn all over the floor and a crumpled box and shoe boxes. Of course, I need a carpet.

I noticed I haven't been posting pictures. So here's a peek at how my room is!


Sweeping event of the year. Look at the hair. I should be bald now.


Candles and vanilla ice-cream smelling potpourri.

>
Other side of dressing table. My jewellery tree. There's a Gondorian Crest necklace on my african drum haha. And from the mirror you can see my poster of Jack Sparrow on the wall opposite, and the so-called sofa.

Sorry to cut this post short, but I've gotta go to school.

And it costs $5 to sleep in my room.

Labels: happy talk, i'm sorry i can't be fucked

NO MONEY NO MONEY NO MONEY NO MONEY.
I am seriously falling into a state of depression.
And I plan to starve until the end of this year.

I better start doing commission pieces now.
Yes, I will draw you, email rafhanabanana@gmail.com for my rates.

Labels: drawing, money, sad