People who eat beef are bad. Beef is bad for you, you bad bad man. Save the cows! They have nice skin and they taste yucky, but they are good animals.

You shall not eat lamb either. It's cruel. Lamb and veal, and the baby mammals, you sick people! And no mutton. Goats are way too beautiful to be consumed. They don't taste nice either.

And you shall not eat pork. This is not the muslim thing, really. Did you know, according to research, pork has the most bacteria, compared to other meat. (I saw brainiacs yesterday, it was disgusting.) So why do you eat pork? Do you like bacteria?

Do not eat salmon or endangered fish. By 2048, there would be no more seafood in the world. And tuna is bad for you. Too much of it gives you mercury poisoning. Fish is bad. It makes you clever, but it's bad because it's smelly and very fishy.

Chicken is bad, because they've been injected with the botox thing that makes them fat. Chicken is so so bad. (But it tastes so so good when it doesn't taste like chicken.) But it makes you fat.

Vegetables doesn't taste nice. And green things replenish the Earth and gets rid of Carbon Dioxide. So you shouldn't eat them either. It's not very nice to eat things that doesn't want to die. (Unless it's corn. Because Mort Rainey planted them on his wife's body, so he needs to get rid of evidence, so we have to eat them. And maybe potatoes and onions can be eaten, because they grow underground.)

Fresh fruit isn't nice to eat either. Because they belong to the tree, and we mustn't steal from trees, unless you ask for the tree's permission. And that's only possible if you speak tree-ish.

So what can we eat?

We can eat fruits that have fallen from the ground, at their own request, i.e when they've rotted. We can eat corn, onions and potatoes. We can eat salt. And we can eat ants too- because they're not very nice people.

Labels: animal rights, food