I wish now, that I had treated people better when I had the chance. I looked at my sister's yearbook, saw the juniors who're like president or something now, and ask her how they're doing. I saw the juniors that I somehow treated badly to, and felt my heart cry. I really really wish I had treated them better. Like this girl, who didn't look as cheerful and pink as she did the last time I saw her. She was known as this weirdo, and her skirt touched her socks and she had blisters all over her legs. No one liked her. My comm members discrimnated her just because she was too weird, and because of that, she never made it to the committee. She was always alone during breaks, she followed the people she liked, and we would talk about her behind our backs. She had a smile on her face all the time. Everytime. It creeped us out, but she smiled. We'd make her do a lot of duties, because we knew she would do it.

It was mean. Of all people, I should have known better.

My sister told me she's still alone now. I beg god to save her. I hope she's not sad. I hope the darkness never touch her. She was a good girl. She was.

Although when I try to see how I was back then, I did treat her better than the other girls did. But I feel sick to know that I was also mean, I did talk about her behind her back, I did mock her, I did look down on her. I was no better. I was a fucking dog, a scum of the earth. I was the bunch of girls that I have sworn to hate.

I don't want to be the blame if she suffers from low self-esteem. I don't want to be one of the girl she hates, because I did something mean to her. I should've respected her, I should've seen her as a human being who had value, and feelings. When she was alone and avoided, I should've gave her a hand. I should've smiled back when she smiled at me. Oh I should have done many things, and I shouldn't have done many things.



I am so sorry. I am so sorry. I was selfish, I was looking at myself thinking I was the victim of society. But so were you. So were you.
I saw how they were treating you, I saw how they avoided you. I'm so sorry I never did anything. I know you may not remember me now, and maybe I'll be known as 'one of the girls' who treated you so badly. I wish I could have treated you better. I was a scum. I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry. I hope you're okay now. I hope you'll be okay as long as you can. I hope you close your ears to the gossip. I don't ask for your forgiveness. I just want you to be okay. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. I wish I could go back, and be a better person, and made you a better person. I should've spoken for you. I am so sorry. I am so sorry. I'm so sorry.

:(

Labels: cruel, dirt