You know how girls want a knight in shining armour? I don't really fancy shining armours, except for Gondor's armours. Okay well, I'm dreaming of a rouge in a black cape, who has this really aggressive and cold persona. He probably is the leader of a mercenary and is wanted for the brutal killings. (Sounds very much like Bran in SOTS. Oh my darling Bran.) So he is this rouge who has never loved before, and is deprived of his manly needs. Deep inside he is this protective man, a dangerous lover, and he is so badly scarred emotionally, that his heart is inflamed with years and years of tears. And right now, I think I sound like I would like some kind of a Don Juan.

And then you know when you watch sad movies, you feel like you would like to reach out to that man and help him, care for him, and love him. (The way I feel about Phantom and Bran, Haha, okay whatever, shut up.) You feel like you can help and love this character unconditionally.

But then I know if this Phantom comes along, I will not be able to help him. I know I will not be able to reach out to this individual and show him a beautiful reflection and then just love him. It's like a father trying to give birth when he hasn't got a uterus. You can't love if you have never loved anyone. You can't heal someone when you have not yet cured. If I could ever say to Phantom that his imperfection doesn't mean he deserve a life of solitute, I wouldn't even believe it if I told myself that. I will break mirrors, I will love someone obsessively, and I will live alone if I felt like I deserved it.

The thing about Phantom of the Opera that I love was that I could connect to it. I felt it. It stabbed my heart right there. At first it was like, 'I wish I could hold him and love him.' Then it just dawned upon me that 'That is me.' You won't even believe it if I tell you. It's not really me, I don't have a deformity, I didn't have to live in the Opera House or was ostracized. But I know that feeling of having to hide your face because you feel that you're so ugly, or that you don't deserve friends or companionship because of a deformity you think you have, and people hurt you so much and the only way to get back is just to spit back at them. I know how you really like someone, and it becomes an obsession. I know the darkness, and how you think it's freedom to be able to run around alone, but all it is, is just loneliness. And I cried so much everytime I watch it. It's so close to home, and I wish I could save him from his solitute.

Say you'll share with me one love, one lifetime ...
Lead me, save me from my solitude ...
Say you want me with you, here beside you ...
Anywhere you go let me go too -

Labels: dreams, phantom of the opera