I'm still so smitten. Tehehehe. It doesn't matter if people just screw around, treat me like dirt and use me as a fucking lifeline. Or if I get into cat fights with all the girls in the house. Or get barked by parents. I don't care, because I'm still a smitten kitten.

However, the picture is slowing fading from my mind. Still not believing and having to slap myself every hour and say ,'Fuck, I saw ______________!' Okay now, enough now.

Back to the dirt thing. Hey I know people just use me. Is it race, or whatever. Yeah I think it's just race and the fact that I know big words like 'intimidating' (lol) makes you not want to know me better. It's like a lifeline thing. Bang, bang, your friend is dead, so you will need an escort to a lab or something. So hey, here's a suggestion, why not call Rafhana? I mean, she's pathetic as she is, why not use her so you don't have to look like a fucktard walking to class alone?!

Fucking needy people. I hate fucking needy people. You can't get to class on your own, take the train all fucking alone, because you're so fucking needy. So hey, here's another scenario. You're with me, because you have no choice. Trying to make friends and everything, giving that wide fake fucking smile just to appear kind and nice. Then your dead friend wakes up and you run to her like she's fucking air, and talk and scream in your little language. The next thing you know, I'm not there. You don't care about me, you just want a fucking flagpole. I mean, how do you think it makes me feel? Talking in your language that I don't understand, your bimboitic ways, giggling rampage. God!

I'm so sick of being a lamp post. They treat me like dirt, and then use me as a last option because no one else is there. Like a last resort thing. Never a first choice.
'Hey, why don't you come along?'

Instead it's, 'Hey! I have no one left and they left me, and I hate you, but I feel sad for you, so there you go, would you like to go out?'

Hey, Fuck You.

You don't get to take my freedom away from me. Be fucking alone, because it's not such a hard thing to live with.

Labels: dirt, smitten