I was so excited for the first day of school because it dawned upon me that I have 7 weeks left before, well before school ends for me, *whispers* forever. In spite of shitty things that happened, which I choose not to elaborate and complain about (because life is amazing, it doesn't have to be shitty and depressing and I don't want more shittiness and go back to feeling shitty again, so I will spend the few hours that I have left before Monday ends, to be creepy and positive,) I almost exploded from the cuteness of monday.

(wow, that was a very long sentence, sry.)

We went to holland V to see puppies! Omg there was a samoyed, a welsh corgi and my absolute favourite, the english cocker spaniel ;) She was so shy and so cuteeeee. Just 2 months old, and her coat is beautiful. She had big puppy eyes and she was gazing at us really really cutely. She was trying to bite her toy but her mouth was too small. I could've just died there from all the cuteness! iloveheriloveheriloveher i want to bring her homeeee.

Well I'm supposed to study my cursed thermodynamics notes which refuses to write in itself. And my pme project which has taken a toll on me.

I'm going to make it a point to jog 5 times a week as a new year's resolution. And oh, eat healthily. Drink milk of course, to build up my bones (they are really really fragile.) Also, drink 2 litres of water a day. And save money! Once I get everything sorted out, i'll formulate a 2009 new year's resolution. I also think I will start learning how to make soap.

I dont know what I'm gibbering about, but but but, I will not let anything dampen my creepy positive happy cheery spirits tonight. A toast to having a really bad phelgm!


luvluvluvluv.

Labels: animals, positive thinking, puppy, resolutions

I'm having a splitting headache and I'm still managing a post. I should get a medal for this.

I watched Oprah this morning and it struck a chord. I am afraid to be happy because I'm afraid of downfall, that maybe one day my happiness would end.

I am a destination addict. It's been true with weight loss, everything that I want in life. Because I'm so afraid to be happy, I settle for 'good but not enough, and then complain.' No wonder Kelvin said I complain so much. No wonder nothing is ever good enough. No wonder I find myself inadequate. Maybe a few years ago I wished I had someone really special, and after that when I was on the verge of hardcore emotional death, I said it's alright because if you are happy then I will be happy. But then we got a step higher and I am not happy. Seeing you happy doesn't make me happy because I'm not happy. The things people do for me doesn't make me happy because it was never enough. I refused to be happy because I'm afraid that the day I put on a genuine smile I would lose everything.

I always feel like I do so much for other people but they did anything for me. I feel like the only one who's running around, pleasing everybody. Did I feel happy? To a certain extent but I feel so uncared for. But what I didn't see was that I am significant to someone's life and that should be the thing I should be happy about. So what the hell am I complaining about?

List 10 things that you are happy about.

1) I am a bloody good writer. My articles are top 2 and 3, and the lousy ones are at the top 15% at least
2) I take very good pictures.
3) If you're smart enough, I'm the least boring person you'll ever meet.
4) I am significant.
5) I am happy that I have a complete family that never had to face a bitter divorce. Plus my parents are really rich because they crap out loads and loads of money and I get cool gadgets from them every year for my birthday.
6) I can draw PEOPLE!
7) I'm not hopeless. I dont stare at someone's picture 24/7 when I'm in love with them while drooling all over the keyboard.
8) I am actually pretty smart.
9) I am kind and caring. (That's why I get to sleep with lots and lots of people every week.)
10) I have the bestest person to share my life with.

There's no need to pursue happiness. Because it gets further and further away. We'll never be happy. I've been waiting my whole life to be happy. Inside ourselves there actually resides a happy place. This is the place where when everything else in life fails, we can always run back to. And this is something no one can take away from us. When you're happy, you'll attract happy things in life. No wonder some people are never happy. They can't find the happiness within.

So I need to meditate and do some weird self-help stuff because I'm ready to admit that I am actually, happy.

It's the seventh day and I'm actually chipper! I can't wait to see/speak to cheesing again.

all I want for christmas is youuuuuuu

Labels: happy talk, pondering, positive thinking

I watched Oprah in the morning and it was about the laws of attraction. What you think is what you get. We constantly send messages to the universe. Pessimism will be rewarded with a suckier life, and optimism- the rest of your life will fall into place. It was quite enlightening. I was hot and bothered in the morning, until I imagined cheesing giving me a call at 6.

True enough, cheesing called me at 6.45 and he made this sing-song exclamation, 'I'M BACKKKK!' I've never been more relieved. After the nights dreaming about cheesing being mauled by tigers or molested by giant baboons off the streets of malaysia, he's back. His private parts are still intact, I hope. LOL. So now Ana is a happy happy girl. Yay, I can start doing FYP now.

I was examining how I've subconsiously applied the laws of attraction. I had a vision of me carrying one of the polar bears at kiddy palace, and guess what, not long after that we were at the arcade and we won a polar bear! I've repelled malay boys somehow (by the power of my thinking, voila!) Don't get me wrong, I'm not a sarong party girl, nor do i gnaw on the fingers of chinese men. I am attracted to anyone with enough level of sophistication. Anyway, I had a thought that I was going to be kissed when I'm 18, and it came true.

So on the show these life coaches were saying that we should not obssess over the thought. Instead we just think about it, and then we surrender, and the universe will take over. Most of the cases, my thoughts that had come true were never in my mind obssessively. It was something that was good for me, but I didn't need it. I am content with my life in every way possible though I am aware that I ramble about the suckiness of it a lot, yes. The thing is, if you think life sucks, it will SUCK.

Everyday I need to look at myself in the mirror and exclaim, 'I love you, Rafhana! I love life and life loves me!' We wouldn't believe it at first, we're probably just saying it for the sake of saying it. But in order to grow a tree, we need to plant a seed, and these affirmations are our seed, and from that we water it, care for it, and it will grow into our tree. I'm pumped to grow into a better person. I'm motivated to improve the quality of my life. I'm happy with all the friends I have, I'm happy because I've got cheesing, I'm happy that my standard of living is acceptable (and luxurious on good days.) We can't have the best of everything, but I am grateful for the things I already have.

So cheers to that, I'm to start doing my fyp now before someone rips off my head.

Labels: happy talk, loveee, pondering, positive thinking