Looking at pictures with ME in them grosses me out. It's like wow, I've grown so much. I have this picture of me just after I recovered from dengue, and I always stare at it. It's so different. You know how easy it is to have a fucking disease and a mental illness and just lose weight so easily? Recovery is important, everyone says that. But hell, look what it did to me. Now I'm this HUGE FAT MORON. I'm not happy. Recovery is supposed to make you feel better. I think I just 'changed the scenery, not the fucking situation' as Lisa Rowe says it. I think I might have switched to COE from mia. I hate using shortforms, but hey it's a public blog. I hate this, I hate this. I don't like the way it was, but it isn't any better now.

I want willpower. I want to start again.

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