Okay, so I will not elaborate about my sunny getaway because I would get really bitchy and you really wouldn't like me.

I would like to fucking mutter about something that is worth fucking bitching about. By the way, I like to say 'fuck' a lot, so deal. If you think I'm in my PMS phase, then you are so fucking right.

So anyway, there is this bazaar going on. PFFFT yesh bazaar hates me and I hate them because they make me feel useless and fucking fat and suicidal kthxbye. My sister asked me a favour to buy this 'salmon pizza', so I said ok. So yadayadayada, reached there, got TOTALLY IGNORED by this extremely obnoxiously fuckingly boisteriously RUDE woman seller, plus, she was being really racist. And guess what. I GOT TOTALLY PISSED OFF. Ok hello, being ignored isn't enough for me to die, but being racist, sheesh that's deadly man.

And for fucking sakes the food SUCKS. Oh you, I hope the basket of durians beside your stall breaks apart and durians go rolling down delivering a slow and painful kill. I believe in karma, so shut up.

Oh yes huh, this is what Ana gets. For starters, I'm really fucking ugly and fat, and next everyone tries to judge me, and I get racism thrown at me almost every fucking day. Yes thank you humankind of the world, I LOVE YOU. What an absolutely attractive package. I would really like to live till ripe old age because I enjoy people being rude to me, and rude people are absolutely delightful to live with.

PFFT. Unfortunately I've got only a love spellbook, courtesy of my dearest Faye. I need a hexes and curses spellbook because my world would be much more cheery with people dead due to plagues. I'll befriend karma by doing great deeds so she'll help me bring mishap to those I wish to inflict ill upon. Maybe I'll befriend some tigers and lions too and set them onto people's houses. Hehe, that seems like a nice thing to do. Good idea. *evil laugh*

I'm only evil because everyone is evil to me. So HAH.

Okay rant over. For now, maybe.


So, Saturday afternoon, homework not done, life is a mess. Feel like hitting myself with a rock.

Friday night, arrived back to Singapore from Jakarta. Exhausted, and pissed off.

I'm tired and am having a verbal constipation, incapable of forming good sentences.

Is on LJ right now, definately bored.

Will update later. Hello everyone.


Hello.

I finished my Johnny Depp drawing!!! FINALLY. It was a pain in the ass and there were times I wanted to rip it apart and throw it away.

http://www.deviantart.com/deviation/34948443/

Lookielookielookie. Yumyumyum. Happyhappyhappy.


It is Saturday night, and I am in this room waiting for boredom to kill me. Adam was online, but set to (away), so I didn't start a convo. Meh.

I'm waiting for 10.30, and it is taking its sweet time to arrive. Black Hawk Down is going to be played on tv. Rejoice.

I'm bored. So bored. Bored enough to die. Boredom is a plague, and I am infected. Help. You know what, I am feeling so bored that I have nothing interesting to post. Damn.

I finished 2 Arwen icons, and I don't feel like doing any Eowyn ones. ARGH.

BLAHHHHHH.

I think I should piss off now. I'm not inspired.

You should watch NickJr's Backyardigans. It's addictive and suprisingly entertaining.


I was watching the footbal match Australia against Japan with my father last night. Father was rooting for Japan while I was busy pitying both sides. My father was really animated about it praising and cursing the goalkeeper. I went like HA. He went to talk about on how Cahill was evil and stuff. It was funny watching him. I thought the match was rather boring in the first half. And then I realised how much I've missed watching football. You know, being in a girls' school you just get really girly and silly and annoying. I kind of missed out in the stuff I used to do with my father for the past year. I guess I was all fucked up and caring about no one but myself and on the other hand supporting whiny people.

Last time I used to watch football with my father and we'd curse Liverpool and father would just switch off the telly when he got pissed. Hahaha. And then one day he was watching F1, and I just came, 'Hey dad, what're you watching?' and he explained the whole F1 thing to me and he said he supported Michael Shumacher and that I should support Kimi Raikkonen because he is so young and handsome. I guess it's the thing about fathers eh, they think their little daughters like football and racing just because the guys are hot and absolutely spiffing.

Anyway, I'm a Raikkonen fan because he is a great driver and he car likes to break down. Woot he got a place on the podium on last Sunday's race anyway. Go Kimi!

It's kind of sad really. Father having 4 daughters and have absolutely no idea how to connect with them. My father does. He makes his daughters into motorsports addict. =p Hah. And not to forget the fashion disasters he got us into. His taste is rather insane and out of this world really. Everyone outside the family would go 'Aww, you poor shits no sons.' Fuck off. Sons are no better than daughters. They are just extra because they have dicks. Pfft.

While watching the match I was thinking about the Japanese and my mind lingered and hovered over the memory of my grandfather. He got bombed by the Japanese, and as a result, Father says he had this scar, or more of a hole on his back. 'Really. Go and ask him,' Father said. I said I would, one day. He asked me to ask Grandfather about it quite a number of time while he lived. And I said I would.

I never did.

I didn't even see his body when his spirit flew away. I was studying my damn chemistry while they were mourning for his death. I don't know where he was buried.

Cameron Duncan said 'you start remembering life more than you actually live it.'

We didn't have the telly, the radio, the internet for more than a month. We were mourning. Our house was a dark den. It was like everyone died along with it.

My father's spirit died. I don't talk to him about grandfather anymore. He doesn't want to.

You know, everyone has to die. We were born to do great things and die in the end. The loss is great at first, because we have to deal with the fact that someone you know is gone. It is a strange ordeal to go through. But then you start living your lives normally as that pain is being pushed to the back of your mind. You just get used to it.

You can't delay mourning, that's what I've learnt. When he died I mourned as I should.

My greatgrndfather died few years ago and I loved him. And I delayed mourning. Few years later I find myself lost and the pain is still there. It emerges as dreams and it would come running for you. Something like, 'Wake up Ana, and deal with it. You cannot run away forever.' I was being a rock and just didn't let myself break for years. I found myself weeping years later.

And it is still hard to deal with it.

I guess I have to make space for my much needed time alone. I grew up too fast. I need to sit down on a cliff and close my eyes while the cold wind blow on me like wind blowing on a lonely mountain. I need time and space.


Holiday resolution isn't going as planned, and I'm fucking pissed off over other things.

Last night was total bullshit and I felt like killing myself.

I was being all Mort Rainey-ish with mad hair typing out stuff. And finally, I think I'm sick of it.

Cut off myself from the world and start writing my book. I was born to do great things, not bicker around. How's that fuckwit? I will not bow down to cruelty.

It's really annoying you know, people being total dumbfucks and ignorant. Dig deeper, not access things in a bimbo-itic fashion.

I don't judge, I merely analyse. You should be ashamed of yourself to think I am as low as them. You don't understand do you? There is so much more to fear than you'll ever think. How could I stand by them side by side in war, and how could you expect that of me. Call these people who spat on me God? Forget it. I'd rather die being so angry at everyone.

Everyone dies in the end, I know. But I'm a motherfucking survivor and at least I wouldn't die of suicide. You said I'm wasting my life because I'm so angry. But anger is the key to survival. If I had submit myself to such despair and hopelessness, where do you think I'd be now? My lovely green grave.

I never was angry at you. And you shouldn't have assumed.

And you should've thought better of me. I'm not one of them. So start treating me as your equal.

ETA: I need to travel for more than an hour to and fro school just to return some dvds. Fucking lame.


Hahahahahahahahaha. FUCK YOU.

YOU CUNT.

I laugh at the face of stupidity.

Give me some fucking fags now. I'm going to die soon.


Last night my friend and I were discussing about how pathetic the world is generally. I've had racism thrown and me, and other shallow judgements, but that's okay. I was born to lose anyway.

AT YOUR FACE FUCKERS!

It suddenly dawned upon me that it is my job to introduce myself, and it's your job to get to know me before throwing cruel remarks.

First thing I'd say to anyone, I'm cruel. And that is true. I'm cruel because I am brutally honest. I am cruel when setting things right. I care about your happiness more than mine so don't cry when I bitch at you, sissy!

I grew up in an environment where parents whip you for the smallest reasons, and throw you down to the ground when you're just about to stand up. I was taught not to weep, because weeping is a sign of weakness. My mother called me useless, but it was only so I could grow up the way she wanted- strong, possessive and cruel. I don't like people crying, hell fuck off if you do. My methods are vile, I'll throw you down, kick your ass so you'd survive. Because that was the way I was brought up. "Struggle is nature's way of strengthening it," Locke said, and that's my way of doing things. I don't believe in tissue papers to wipe off your tears, git.

My sister says I'm arrogant and have the heart of stone. So what. I fight for my own opinions. I'd die fighting if I have to.

I take on different personas.

Sometimes I'm sweet and kind, sometimes I give hope to those who needs it, sometimes I turn into a grotesque depressed monster. It depends on my mood. Sometimes I can't give a fuck, I turn into anything I want.

I guess I don't know who I am. I don't exist, I'm not real. I might have lived in the 7th century and fought in epic battles, I might have been a dragon who spits out fireballs, and you don't know.

I am what I am for the things that were done to me. I don't feel 16, I feel older, much much older. Some of my friends think that I am wise. I don't know. Maybe I don't see things the way you do.

And I have to admit, I don't have any self-esteem. I don't know how to socialise. I am afraid of people. I've been my own man, my own army, my horse, my sword, my ship. I don't know what friendship is. If it means being friends for a year and then you don't give a fuck about me anymore, then thanks, that must be friendship.

And to conclude that, outside I look decent and nice, inside I'm whatever I can be, and deeper inside where I want you to really nose into my privacy, I'm not really sure and it's your job.

Well how about that.


So I asked my sister to help me buy McDonalds, and I promised to buy her a burger in return and make tons of CSI icons. Oh love. What did I get myself into. And to top that up, I said I'll teach her how to use Livejournal and make her a CSI layout. Ah yes, a simple curly fries in exchange of a few days work. And for godsakes I take more than an hour to make an icon! lol. Nevermind, I'd be happy to take up this demanding challenge. Btw, she's only 11.

So much for my diet. I bought a bottle of extra Virgin olive oil and I don't know how to cook up a salad. Saute some spinach with garlic with a dash of thyme and a jug of lemon juice and nasty honey tomatoes- you get a disaster.

Fast food = fast die. LOL. Anything for fastfood.

So I guess mother's going to get some takeout. Marvelous. More food to savour.

Yesterday I watched the Omen. Was convinced some kind of a beast was born at 6.00am of 060606 and is going to torment everyone in the world. But then again, I'm not Christian. Scary though, Beast being just a kid, and stupid as well(Talking about the Omen). Bring on the apocalypse.

Speaking of the Beast, I miss my Maiden. "666 is the number of the Beast, sacrifice is going on tonight!" *guitar break*

Sorry, got a little excited.

Ah my sister flew off to China while I was in my deep slumber. My bedchamber is empty again. Lo! I despise my kin, but I cannot bear to rest alone.

I swear listening to Amie by Damien Rice is making me weep. I will depart now, farewell my friends.


All that CRS work has turned me into a Barbie hater.

I hate girls.

Will provide a very condescending argument later. Or maybe not. I’m starting to hate this thing.
.



Cyanide & Happiness @ Explosm.net


My all time favourite game >>> Kill The Emo
hahahaha pathetic. ''Nobody gets me man, I just want to die. Why can't just somebody kill me?''

My parents aren't home. So we're alone. And bored to death. My sister is having an Alias marathon, my other sister is watching her CSI dvds, and I'm here stuck with the internet. I absolutely have no idea what else to do. Today is such a depressing day.

I have fucking issues. My self-esteem is pretty shit. It has always been shitty.

Ah crap, stop being a whiny emo.

I'm too tired to read Edgar Allen Poe, or anything for that matter. Nobody gets me mannnn, I just want to die! Why can't anybody kill me?! I get beaten up. Why doesn't anybody like me?! << Oh stupid fucker. lol. He amuses me.

I hate Fall Out Boy ohsofuckingmuch.


It's the holidays! *dances*

I borrowed 2 DVDs, Elizabeth and Alias. I screamed a just after a few minutes through Elizabeth. Mother got off my laptop so I'm back with images of people being burned alive inside my head. I'm obsessed with Cate Blanchett and I so want to marry her. And oh, I also borrowed a book, The Complete Edgar Allen Poe Tales. Finally! My lovely Edgar!!! I'm in need of good literature every now and then. LOL I borrowed Briget Jones' soundtrack too. *dances*

And that reminds me, I'm starting on a new prose about this wicked sacred tree. But sometimes I scare myself with what I write that I stop. Remember 'The light of the waning moon' that I wrote? I never finished it. And no one's read it except for Faye and a handful of people. Seriously, I'm pathetic in attracting attention. Oh fucking well.

I need to plan things for the holidays simply because I can. I call it the 'Holiday Resolution'.

1) Lose weight. (Hah oh when oh when Ana will you ever do.)
2) Start on my secret book. Shhhhh.
3) Create the Ana clan to take over the world.
4) Live everyday as if it's my last. (Ah, yes, impossible, will try.)
5) Must not obsesse or fantasise. (Even if I start itching all over due to the lack of imagination and excessive drooling.)
6) Finish that potrait of Johnny Depp. (Left with his tattoo... hmmm. fairly okay.)
7) Finish knitting that damn scarf.
8) Elude myspace.
9) Delete stupid people who've never talked to me on msn.
10) Get out more to avoid Willy Wonka's skin discolouration.
11) Get out VFV, SH icon batch soon.
Will think of more. The list now seem rather hmmm, short.

Ah blogger layouts are so effing lame.

That Paul Twoguy is through. Oh the horror! The horror! The menace of emo people!